Episode Transcript
[00:00:08] Speaker A: Shadows whisper secrets unknown Reflections lost in time Shown shifting light of what's to be Yearning for truth inside of me I have called it I'll allow it let it be Set the author free.
I am authentic I am growth Set the author free.
[00:00:47] Speaker B: We are all storytellers. Every day, with every choice, we add a new line to the narrative of our lives.
Welcome to Part two, the Transformation.
I am Jeanette Dunlop, author of Rewrite youe Story and my book of mantras, presenting another Nettie collection, the Other, your podcast, where curiosity rediscovers the version of you that's been buried under roles, routines, and expectations.
The Other you that still dreams, still feels, and still believes in more.
Alongside your hosts, Ben Jenkins and Sarah Michaels, we'll talk about real change, mindset resets, and how to build a life that feels like yours again.
Each episode invites you to pause, reflect, and reconnect with practical tools for confidence, purpose, and emotional balance.
So take a breath, open your heart, and step into a conversation designed to remind you you are not bound by yesterday.
You are free to create the other you.
[00:01:56] Speaker C: Welcome back to the deep Dive. Today we are really opening up a stack of material focused entirely on what it takes to truly reset your identity.
[00:02:05] Speaker D: Yeah, personal transformation, finding that kind of self liberation that, well, only really comes when you stop trying to meet everyone else's expectations.
[00:02:13] Speaker C: Exactly. We've pulled together sources blending sharp psychology, some deep spirituality, and, you know, genuine lived wisdom.
[00:02:21] Speaker D: And our mission today really is to give you a shortcut, a kind of personalized blueprint to move you from just feeling stuck in survival mode to actually achieving self mastery. That means shedding old fears, rebuilding authentic.
[00:02:36] Speaker C: Confidence, and boosting resilience too, I imagine. Not just against hardship, but maybe against self doubt itself.
[00:02:41] Speaker D: Precisely. Learning how to increase that resilience.
[00:02:44] Speaker C: Okay, let's unpack this. There's a foundational idea in the sources thinking of life less like a straight path and more like a chemical reaction.
[00:02:52] Speaker D: That's a great way to put it. The only constant variable is change. We can't stop surprises, those unexpected shifts, or just the way we naturally evolve.
[00:03:00] Speaker C: So the sources suggest the critical task left for us is surrender.
[00:03:04] Speaker D: Yes, but it's so important to clarify what that surrender means. It's not about passively accepting bad things happening to you.
[00:03:13] Speaker C: Okay?
[00:03:13] Speaker D: It's more about accepting the inevitability of change itself, both internal and external. You know, if you resist change, you.
[00:03:21] Speaker C: Just increase suffering, whereas if you accept its constant nature, you free up energy.
[00:03:26] Speaker D: To actually direct your path forward.
[00:03:28] Speaker C: That makes a lot of Sense. We often resist the very evolution we need. But how do we start that journey without feeling completely overwhelmed? Like, you have to erase everything that came before.
Ah.
[00:03:40] Speaker D: And that's where this key language shift comes in. Our sources are really clear on this. You are not starting over.
[00:03:45] Speaker C: Okay?
[00:03:45] Speaker D: You are starting forward. Starting over implies failure, maybe regression.
[00:03:50] Speaker C: Right. Going backwards.
[00:03:51] Speaker D: Starting forward acknowledges all the lessons you've learned and applies them to the new direction. But there's a warning here. When you really have to confront, you cannot change what you refuse to confront.
[00:04:02] Speaker C: Okay. That leads us perfectly into the foundation of identity. Reset then. Because when we talk about personal growth, we usually frame it as becoming a better version of ourselves. Right?
[00:04:12] Speaker D: We do. But the wisdom we're looking at suggests true growth is actually about unbecoming the.
[00:04:17] Speaker C: Things you're not unbecoming. Interesting.
[00:04:20] Speaker D: Yeah. And instead becoming who you were always meant to be. It's a process of reclaiming your identity and unlearning years and years of external programming.
[00:04:29] Speaker C: So it's like clearing away the noise.
[00:04:31] Speaker D: Exactly. And that journey needs a compass. The sources point to three really powerful questions. These should form the basis of any true reinvention. They're your anchors.
[00:04:41] Speaker C: Okay, what are they?
[00:04:42] Speaker D: One, who am I really? Who am I at my core? Two, why am I here? What's my purpose? And three, what do I truly want?
[00:04:51] Speaker C: Those sound simple, but I bet the answers can be profound. And if those answers lead you to a crossroads, you know, if the life you've built just doesn't fit the person.
[00:04:58] Speaker D: You'Re becoming anymore, well, the immediate reaction, often painful, is to label that feeling as failure. Like you wasted time or made all the wrong choices.
[00:05:05] Speaker C: Yeah, I can see that.
[00:05:07] Speaker D: But that feeling is actually a signpost. It's not the final destination. If you listen to that internal discomfort, it's telling you the structure you built isn't supporting your evolving identity anymore.
[00:05:18] Speaker C: So how do the sources reframe that?
[00:05:21] Speaker D: Beautifully. I think they say that moment isn't failure. It is simply the beginning of your true story. Failure is just an opportunity to do something differently.
[00:05:31] Speaker C: With more awareness this time.
[00:05:32] Speaker D: Exactly. With more awareness.
[00:05:34] Speaker C: Okay. If we connect this back to how we process change, that mindset shift, it sounds a lot like the journey of adjustment.
[00:05:41] Speaker D: It really does. When we talk about processing major shifts, people know the five, maybe seven stages of grief. The seventh is usually acceptance and hope.
[00:05:50] Speaker C: Right.
[00:05:50] Speaker D: But many frameworks used in recovery and self development talk about an eighth stage adjustment. Now, it's not always in the traditional models, but the sources include it because it's where the real work starts.
[00:06:01] Speaker C: So adjustment is what, exactly?
[00:06:03] Speaker D: It's about stabilizing the new normal, rebuilding your future, reframing your experiences. It's recognizing you have stability, even if the landscape looks totally different. And that crucial reminder we keep seeing.
[00:06:16] Speaker C: Let me guess.
The one about storms?
[00:06:19] Speaker D: That's the one. Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.
[00:06:24] Speaker C: Mm. That's powerful. Okay, let's move from those foundational questions into what actively blocks us from answering them honestly. This is where it gets really interesting. Decoding the deepest fears.
[00:06:35] Speaker D: Right, and there's that central quote that shifts perspective. You often hear it referenced about our deepest fear.
[00:06:41] Speaker C: Oh, the one about being powerful.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
[00:06:49] Speaker D: Exactly. It sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it? Why would we fear our own light? Our own power?
[00:06:55] Speaker C: Yeah. Why?
[00:06:56] Speaker D: Because power implies total responsibility.
If you acknowledge your full potential, you kind of lose the excuse that you can't achieve something.
[00:07:04] Speaker C: It forces you into action.
[00:07:05] Speaker D: It forces you into action, and action exposes you to risks.
[00:07:08] Speaker C: Okay, that feeling of risk brings us right to the five core fears that block transformation. We need to look closely at the reframes here because they seem to be the key.
Let's start with number one, the fear of. What's next? The unknown.
[00:07:24] Speaker D: Classic anxiety, right? About losing control, losing stability.
[00:07:27] Speaker C: Totally. So what's the reframe?
[00:07:29] Speaker D: It's simple, but it takes bravery. The unknown is exactly where possibility lives.
Growth begins precisely at the edge of certainty.
[00:07:38] Speaker C: If you only operate where you're certain.
[00:07:39] Speaker D: You'Re only operating within the confines of your past self, you're not growing.
[00:07:43] Speaker C: Okay. Number two, fear of missing out. Fomo. We see this constantly comparison. Feeling urgent, leading straight to burnout. Because you're trying to be everywhere, do everything.
[00:07:54] Speaker D: FOMO is essentially the fear that you're making the wrong choice now and therefore missing out on some better future. But the reframe here is powerful. You are not missing out. You are actively making space for what truly aligns with your current values and energy. If you could honestly answer that third question, what do we truly want?
[00:08:12] Speaker C: Then anything that doesn't serve. That answer isn't really a loss.
[00:08:15] Speaker D: It's an intentional omission. You're choosing your focus.
[00:08:18] Speaker C: Got it.
Okay, let's move to the social fears. Number three, the fear of being judged.
We shrink ourselves. We censor ourselves. All to avoid criticism or rejection.
[00:08:30] Speaker D: We internalize that judgment because we confuse external opinions with our internal worth. The critical reframe here is that authenticity?
Well, it repels the wrong people and.
[00:08:43] Speaker C: Attracts the right ones.
[00:08:44] Speaker D: Exactly. It powerfully attracts the right ones. If someone is judging your true self honestly, they were never meant to be part of your supportive community anyway.
[00:08:51] Speaker C: That makes sense. And that leads naturally to number four, the fear of being found out. Imposter syndrome. Feeling like you're faking your success, your abilities.
[00:09:00] Speaker D: Ah, imposter syndrome. It's so often a byproduct of evolution, not incompetence. You doubt yourself because you are growing, because you're stretching. Yes. You're taking on bigger challenges, which naturally feel uncomfortable, maybe a bit scary. The reframe is self doubt is a byproduct of growth. You're not faking it. You're evolving.
[00:09:17] Speaker C: So confidence isn't something you just have.
[00:09:19] Speaker D: No, it's a consequence of taking consistent action. Even when you feel scared, you build it.
[00:09:24] Speaker C: Right. Okay. And the fifth, the root fear that seems to underlie all the others.
The fear of not being good enough. That core belief that your worthiness has.
[00:09:34] Speaker D: To be earned somehow through performance or suffering or jumping through hoops.
[00:09:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:09:38] Speaker D: This is the absolute critical nugget. Worthiness is not earned. It's remembered, remembered, remembered. You were born. Enough. The task isn't to justify your existence. The task is to peel back all those layers of learned expectations and remember the inherent worth that was always, always there.
[00:09:56] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:09:56] Speaker C: That realization that worthiness is inherent, that feels like the key to liberation.
Before we can fully integrate that, we have to talk about how deeply self trust can be damaged.
[00:10:06] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:10:07] Speaker C: Especially by manipulation like gaslighting, which just directly fuels that imposter syndrome we were talking about.
[00:10:12] Speaker D: Absolutely. That's the crucial narrative thread we have to pull here. Because if you're constantly told that your perceptions or your feelings are wrong, you lose the ability to trust your own answers to who am I and what do I want?
[00:10:24] Speaker C: It cuts right to the core.
[00:10:26] Speaker D: It does. Gaslighting. It's defined as this form of psychological manipulation where someone causes you to question your own reality, your memory, your perception, that term. It highlights how insidious and frankly, how intentional this erosion of self trust can be.
[00:10:43] Speaker C: And the signs are often those same phrases repeated over and over, aren't they? Like you're too sensitive or that never happened, or you always make things up.
[00:10:50] Speaker D: Exactly. The goal is to make you reliant on the manipulator for your definition of reality.
[00:10:56] Speaker C: The damaging effect must be profound.
[00:10:57] Speaker D: Oh, it is. It attacks the very core of your self trust. It leads to suppressed emotions, loss of identity, and this desperate dependence on external validation. You start waiting for permission before you act on your own inner compass, which.
[00:11:10] Speaker C: Just halts the whole reinvention process dead in its tracks completely. So if you recognize that experience in yourself, how do you start to reclaim your narrative? Our sources outline a pretty powerful five step healing framework for rewriting your story and getting your voice back.
[00:11:25] Speaker D: Okay, step one, name it. To tame it, you have to label the manipulation as Gaslighting. You can't fight an unnamed enemy, right?
Naming it helps separate their reality from yours.
[00:11:37] Speaker C: That makes sense.
[00:11:38] Speaker D: Validate your lived experience.
You must affirm your feelings and your memories. This means writing it down. Journaling is great for this. Or talking to a trusted objective friend. Or even just saying aloud to yourself, I know what I experienced.
[00:11:51] Speaker C: Giving yourself that permission?
[00:11:53] Speaker D: Absolutely. Third, you have to reconnect with inner truth. The manipulation tries to steal your internal compassion. You have to rebuild it.
Ask yourself, what are my core values? What do I know to be true about myself and completely independent of this person?
[00:12:07] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:12:08] Speaker D: And fourth, rewrite in first person. This is about shifting your internal language. Move from being the passive victim to being the active narrator of your own story. So instead of thinking, he told me I was too emotional, you reframe it as I was told I was too emotional, but I now see my emotions are actually a reliable and sensitive guide.
You reclaim the interpretation, taking the power.
[00:12:28] Speaker C: Back in the narrative. I like that. And the final step.
[00:12:32] Speaker D: Finally, create boundaries and empowerment rituals. This is the practical, physical and mental separation part. Remove yourself from gaslighters where possible, and implement grounding practices. These become your truth anchors.
[00:12:46] Speaker C: Can you give us a quick, tangible example of a truth anchor? What does that look like?
[00:12:50] Speaker D: Sure. It's not just some abstract mantra, though those can help too. A truth anchor could be a specific playlist that reminds you of a time you felt really powerful and clear headed. Or maybe a note taped to your mirror listing three concrete accomplishments you're proud of. Or even a grounding ritual where you physically touch something real, like a smooth stone in your pocket or leaning against a tree, just to remind yourself that you are rooted in your reality, not theirs.
[00:13:16] Speaker C: That really grounds it. It's the essence of that metaphor, isn't it? Gaslighting tries to steal your pen, but.
[00:13:21] Speaker D: You must reclaim the author's voice.
[00:13:23] Speaker C: Right?
Okay. So with that awareness and healing hopefully starting, let's move into the holistic action plan for sustained transformation. The R E L E A S E framework.
[00:13:33] Speaker D: Yes. This framework takes everything we've discussed. The identity questions, the reframed fears Healing from ventilation and turns it into a practical step by step plan for building self trust.
We start with R.
Recognize the pattern.
[00:13:49] Speaker C: So that means acknowledging the behavioral signs of self sabotage. Like maybe over preparing, procrastinating, constantly comparing yourself to others online.
[00:13:59] Speaker D: Exactly those things. You have to pause and ask yourself, okay, what triggered this feeling right now? What just happened?
[00:14:04] Speaker C: Then comes E. Explore the root. It's not enough just to see the pattern. You have to dig deeper.
[00:14:09] Speaker D: You do. You have to find out if the story you're telling yourself is inherited. Maybe from childhood or school or just broader societal messages. Ask when did I first feel like I wasn't enough?
[00:14:19] Speaker C: Trying to put a timeline on the lie.
[00:14:21] Speaker D: Precisely. So you can create some emotional distance between your current self and where that belief started.
[00:14:26] Speaker C: Then l label the lie. This sounds like actively replacing the self limiting thought.
[00:14:31] Speaker D: Yes. If your inner critic pipes up with I'm not qualified for this promotion, you consciously label that thought as a lie.
That you replace it with a truth. Something like, I'm learning I belong here and my current skills are sufficient to begin this work.
[00:14:48] Speaker C: It's like talking back to the critic.
[00:14:49] Speaker D: It is.
And following that e, Embrace your humanity. This is the self compassion step. We're often so quick to use shame as a motivator, aren't we?
[00:14:58] Speaker C: Definitely.
[00:14:59] Speaker D: Instead, acknowledge the struggle. Affirm to yourself. Everyone questions themselves sometimes, and that's a normal part of growth. Shame tells you you're defective. Compassion reminds you you're human.
[00:15:09] Speaker C: That's a key difference. Okay, step five is a anchor in truth. Grounding yourself in evidence, not just feelings. Is this where that confidence file comes in?
[00:15:18] Speaker D: Exactly. The confidence file. It's simply a record written down. Save somewhere of your strengths, your wins, positive feedback you've received. And crucially, you don't just keep it. You use it before a high stakes meeting or before you hit send on that risky email. Or just when self doubt starts to spiral, you pull out that file. You review the hard evidence of your competence. That's anchoring in truth.
[00:15:39] Speaker C: I love that. Okay then. S step forward. Tiny actions. Confidence doesn't just appear.
[00:15:45] Speaker D: No, it's a derivative of action.
[00:15:47] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:15:47] Speaker D: You build trust in yourself by proving repeatedly that you will keep promises to yourself, even the small ones. If you wait until the fear is completely gone, well, you'll probably never start.
[00:15:58] Speaker C: So act despite the fear.
[00:16:00] Speaker D: Yes. Tiny actions build momentum. And the final step is essential. Expand with support. Find mentors or a community, people who reflect your potential back to you.
[00:16:10] Speaker C: And this is where we get that crucial advice.
[00:16:12] Speaker D: Yes. Borrow belief until you build your own, it is absolutely okay. In fact, it's often necessary to rely on someone else's conviction in your abilities until your own inner conviction catches up.
[00:16:23] Speaker C: That's incredibly powerful. Borrow belief, okay. That leads us to our final critical tool. We need to mention the power of simply calling it out. We've seen the unspoken concerns. Whether they're fears, doubts, or those internalized lies from gaslighting, they quietly grow roots and influence our decisions without us even realizing it.
[00:16:40] Speaker D: They fester in the dark, basically. But speaking them aloud, actually labeling the emotion or the pattern out loud, even just to yourself, immediately starts to reclaim power.
[00:16:51] Speaker C: Why is that so effective?
[00:16:52] Speaker D: Because it brings it into conscious awareness.
Reinforcing this concept is paramount. Calling out the pattern, the fear, or the manipulation isn't weakness, it's profound wisdom. Awareness is your greatest ally to interrupt those harmful unconscious patterns before they spiral and completely consume you.
[00:17:11] Speaker C: Wow. Okay. What an incredible deep dive into really restructuring identity. From the ground up. We've covered those foundational questions, strategies to reframe the five big fears and essential.
[00:17:22] Speaker D: Frameworks to reclaim your reality, your voice, and build that action plan forward.
[00:17:26] Speaker C: The synthesis seems clear. Transformation is really rooted in, well, brutal honesty and sustained bravery.
[00:17:32] Speaker D: It is. It's about remembering who you have always been underneath all the noise, and then choosing consciously to author your next chapter by saying, this is who I am, this is what I lived and this is what I choose next.
[00:17:44] Speaker C: And as we close out today, let's think back to that idea of identity always evolving, always, always changing, like a chemical compound needing to adjust its bonds, right? Those bonds shifting, we learned the self doubt is often just a byproduct of necessary growth. So here's something for you to mull over.
What specific limiting belief or maybe temporary fear, one that perhaps served you yesterday but is definitely holding you back today? What temporary connection can you consciously choose to release right now, knowing that its absence is actually, actually essential for you to confidently begin the next stage of your own unique story?
[00:18:23] Speaker B: You've just listened to another episode of the Other your with Ben and Sarah. Thank you for your insights and for sharing this chapter. I'm Jeanette Dunlop and I truly hope this week is your week for curiosity, vision and choice to set the author free.
So if this episode spoke to you, share it with someone rewriting their own story.
Subscribe to the Other your and follow for more transformative conversations.
Join our community on Nettie's Facebook page and hashtag rewriteyourstory. And also tag myself, Ennette Dunlop to share your reflections until next week. Keep writing and keep becoming.
[00:19:12] Speaker A: I have called it I'll allow it Let it be Set the author free I am authentic I am gross Set the author free through the quiet I feel the spark Guiding me out of the endless dark Every scar becomes a sacred key Opening the pathway back to me Set the author free Set the author free.
