Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Sa morning light breaks through my window Quiet hope begins to rise.
Every doubt starts to melt away. Now in the warmth of open sky.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: We are all storytellers. Every day, with every choice, we add a new line to the narrative of our lives.
Some of those lines are full of laughter and light.
Others carry the weight of struggle, disappointment, or silence.
For many of us, the stories we carry weren't entirely written by us. They were shaped by expectations, by the voices of others, by wounds from the past.
And yet, deep down, we know this is not the whole story.
I am Jeanette Dunlop, author of Rewrite youe Story and My Book of Mantras. Welcome another natty collection, the Other your the podcast where stories transform, voices rise, and possibilities unfold.
And explore the power of rewriting our stories.
Today, alongside your hosts, Ben Jenkins and Sarah Michaels, will uncover the courage, the tools, and the inspiration to write your story not as it was, but as it can be.
So take a breath, open your heart, and step into a conversation designed to remind you you are not bound by yesterday. You are free to create the other you.
[00:02:10] Speaker C: Welcome back to the deep dives. Oh, okay. So today we're kind of skipping the usual motivational stuff. I want to get right into the the real architecture of building self confidence, the kind that actually sticks. Our mission here is a proper deep dive, focusing on, you know, clarity and practical tools, not just temporary boosts. Think of it less like starting over, more like starting forward with actual momentum.
[00:02:32] Speaker D: That starting forward idea is absolutely key. Yeah. We've looked at sources that really boil this down to two main things. Those internal drivers, like your purpose, and then your external alignment. Basically, the environment you're in, the goal. Pretty simple. Really help you figure out how to step into that new story for yourself. But first, there's something we really have to face. Something the material makes clear. You cannot change what you refuse to confront.
[00:02:55] Speaker C: Oof. Okay. Yeah, that definitely sets the tone right away, because the confidence we're digging into, it's not arrogance. Right. It's not about needing people to clap for you. The sources are defining true confidence as something rooted much deeper in self awareness, inconsistency, and in taking actions that actually line up with who you are. It's that quiet inner knowing where you realize you don't need the validation anymore because you've kind of anchored your own worth.
[00:03:22] Speaker D: Exactly. And building that anchor, well, it takes some foundational work. The sources lay out about four key steps we need to integrate. First one, and it's fun. Fundamental. Know yourself. And this isn't just like listing Your favorite movies. It's deeper. Understand your core values, your real strengths, and also where you want to grow. It means looking at your abilities and, yeah, your gaps too, but without all the usual shame or judgment.
[00:03:45] Speaker C: Right. So it's almost like taking the emotion out of it, just looking at the facts, the data points about yourself.
[00:03:49] Speaker D: Pretty much, yeah. Which really helps with step two. Challenge the inner critic.
Confidence isn't built when everything's quiet.
[00:03:57] Speaker C: It.
[00:03:58] Speaker D: It's actually built by, you know, actively pushing back against those limiting beliefs. That negative self talk that just runs on repeat for so many of us. You have to consciously replace those old stories with truths that actually empower you. Confidence genuinely grows when you stop letting fear and doubt define what you're capable of.
[00:04:17] Speaker C: Okay, that makes sense. And it connects straight into the third step, which I think this is where a lot of people get stuck. Take aligned action. So many people think being busy is the same as being productive. What makes aligned action different? It's not just busy work, is it?
[00:04:31] Speaker D: No, that's such a crucial distinction. Busy work often comes from obligation or maybe external pressure. Right. Aligned action, though, that's about doing things that specifically reinforce your own values and your purpose. It means setting small goals, achievable ones that point towards your personal North Star. And then this is key, actually following through every single promise you keep to yourself. Doesn't matter how small. Something like a deposit in your confidence account.
[00:04:55] Speaker C: I like that analogy, a confidence bank. And the final step, it feels like giving yourself permission.
Celebrate progress. We're often taught, aren't we, that if it wasn't perfect, it doesn't really count. But the sources really push for honoring the milestones, the effort, even just the courage it took to try.
Confidence gets stronger when you consistently acknowledge those small wins, the internal ones.
[00:05:19] Speaker D: So if you kind of pull all that foundation together, the big takeaway is that this unshakable confidence, it's a grounded certainty in your worth. Even when the world is uncertain. It's internal.
[00:05:31] Speaker C: Okay, but once you have that grounded confidence, how do you know where to point it, where to apply it? If you know your worth, how do you find the path that actually uses it best? And that's where the sources bring in Daniel Priestley's framework. It's really compelling for finding purpose or your niche through what he calls the three Ps. Passion, Pain, or performance.
[00:05:49] Speaker D: Yeah, this model is really powerful. It gives us three different ways to look at what drives us. Let's start with passion. Simple enough. These are the things you genuinely love. Doing the stuff that gives you energy just by engaging with it.
[00:06:00] Speaker C: Like maybe a writer who just gets lost in crafting a sentence. Or a baker who loves messing around with sourdough starters.
[00:06:06] Speaker D: Exactly like that. Priestley points out that passion gives you amazing intrinsic motivation. You don't need anyone pushing you.
But there's a caveat. Especially commercially pure passion needs to connect with creating value for others if it's going to be sustainable, you know, beyond just being a hobby you love.
[00:06:24] Speaker C: Right. Makes sense. Okay, next P is pain.
This one sounds a bit counterintuitive.
Finding purpose in what hurt you. Hardships, obstacles, injustices.
[00:06:35] Speaker D: It does sound counterintuitive, but it's often the most powerful driver for a mission. Think about someone who really struggled with, say, a lack of mentorship early on and then dedicates their whole career to building mentorship programs. Or the example we saw in the swords material. Someone with severe learning difficulties as a kid who now creates educational tools to help others avoid that struggle. Pain creates this incredible empathy and it fuels resilience because you're solving something that genuinely, deeply mattered to you.
[00:07:02] Speaker C: Hmm. Okay. But isn't there a risk there?
Building your path on past trauma?
Could that lead to burnout if you don't manage it carefully? What do the sources say about avoiding that?
[00:07:14] Speaker D: That's a really important question. Yeah. The material stress is that while pain gives you the fuel, the empathy, you absolutely need that self awareness we talked about earlier, the foundational stuff. You need it to set boundaries. It's not about reliving the trauma over and over. It's about using the lesson from that trauma to serve you. Become the guide. Because you've walked that path.
[00:07:34] Speaker C: Okay. That clarifies it. Less about dwelling, more about leveraging the wisdom gained. Got it. And the final P, Performance. This is your zone of genius, right? The things you're naturally good at, maybe even without trying too hard. Like the accountant who just sees the patterns. Or the coder whose work is just elegant.
[00:07:51] Speaker D: Precisely. Performance is powerful because it attracts opportunities based on credibility and results. Simple as that. When you leverage it well, it adds clear, measurable value.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: What's really interesting, though, is where these overlap. The sources argue the most potent paths, the ones with the biggest impact often happen when two or maybe even all three Ps intersect. They actually say where passion, pain and performance meet, you often find your highest potential and your deepest impact.
That sounds like real alignment, that integration.
[00:08:21] Speaker D: Yeah, that's the sweet spot. But it also leads us straight into this big wake up call that comes up in the sources, focusing only on performance without considering the environment.
That can actually be a shortcut right back to pain.
[00:08:34] Speaker C: Ah, yes.
This brings us to that really stark story. One of the authors shared a tough lesson learned while working for a cleaning company. She had the skills, definitely what it can does performance for the consulting part of it. But the environment itself was just toxic. Crushed her confidence, killed the passion.
[00:08:51] Speaker D: And the details of that environment, they're pretty shocking. They really show how fast psychological safety can just evaporate. It wasn't just long hours, it was like around the clock demands. Mandatory 7am Client inspections, then checking staff work late at 9pm Routinely pulling 14 hour days with no extra pay, no appreciation, just expected.
[00:09:10] Speaker C: Wow. And the management style, huh? Sounds like pure fear.
The author talks about being yelled at by the CEO in front of everyone and her colleagues, just, yeah, looking away, terrified it would be them next. That's living in constant stress.
[00:09:23] Speaker D: Yeah. And the lesson she took from that intense time, it was harsh, but she said it was necessary for her own growth.
She realized, and this is powerful.
I allowed this to happen. Now that's not about blaming herself. It's about reclaiming agency. It's realizing that even if you're amazing at your job performance, if the environment is actively damaging you, you have the right, maybe even the responsibility to yourself.
[00:09:44] Speaker C: To leave that moment of recognition that your skill doesn't make up for a bad environment.
That feels absolutely crucial. It really forces you, the listener, to pause and ask that question, that self leadership question.
When did performance replace my passion with pain? Being honest about that, that's the first, maybe hardest step towards leading yourself out of it, towards realignment.
[00:10:13] Speaker E: If I could take a moment of your time and ask a very special favor. If you've been enjoying listening to the other your podcast, please press the subscribe button now. By subscribing, you're not just following the podcast. You're joining a movement of people choosing to live with clarity, compassion and courage.
So hit, follow or subscribe wherever you may be listening. And walk with me through every chapter of the Nnedi collection.
Because your chapter isn't waiting for you, it's within you.
[00:10:54] Speaker D: And that experience, that toxic culture realization, it actually led the author to develop her own framework to prevent this kind of misalignment. It's called the 3e framework for business Sustainability. It cleverly blends ideas from Maslow's hierarchy with the three E's of sustainability.
[00:11:09] Speaker C: Okay, let's break that down. The three E framework. How does it work?
[00:11:12] Speaker D: Right? Let's make it accessible. Think about your own Personal sustainability, like building a house that needs to last. The core idea is this. Your internal stability. Let's call that equality. Your self love, your sense of worth. It really depends heavily on the environment you're in.
And when those two are solid, then you can achieve true economy, which means sustainable success.
[00:11:32] Speaker C: Okay, so walk us through the structure. Environment is the foundation.
[00:11:35] Speaker D: Exactly, the foundation. This is the culture around you. Workplace, family, community, whatever. It has to be caring, respectful, accountable.
If that foundation is toxic, cracked, anything you try to build on top is eventually going to crumble. Healthy environments nurture confidence. Toxic ones just tear it down.
[00:11:53] Speaker C: Makes sense. Then built on that foundation is equality.
[00:11:55] Speaker D: Yep, equality comes next. This is about your sense of worth, feeling validated for what you do, feeling seen, feeling heard. It's really hard to feel worthy inside if you're constantly battling a toxic external reality. Right. When you have equality, you feel psychologically safe, safe enough to try new things, maybe fail sometimes innovate.
[00:12:14] Speaker C: And the final piece, the roof, is economy. But it's not just about money.
[00:12:19] Speaker D: No, not just money, though that's part of it. Obviously, it's sustainable success. It's about growth that comes from persistence, from having ongoing opportunities.
But, and this is critical, that roof, that economy, it can only really stand firm if the environment and equality underneath it are stable and aligned. You, you can chase money in a toxic place for a while, sure, but that success isn't truly sustainable because the structure supporting it is fundamentally flawed.
[00:12:46] Speaker C: And so the big takeaway here is we have to choose our environments wisely, proactively.
[00:12:52] Speaker D: Absolutely. The sources are really blunt about this. A paycheck, even though important, is not worth what these environments can do to us. You have to be the one choosing the culture that allows you to grow, that lifts you up.
[00:13:03] Speaker C: Okay, so we've talked about internal foundations, finding purpose, aligning with the environment. Now let's shift to protecting ourselves internally. That grounding force, self compassion. And this part draws heavily on people like Dr. Brene Brown, who famously tells us, vulnerability isn't weakness, it's courage. She calls it the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity. Powerful stuff.
[00:13:25] Speaker D: It really is. And the core technique of self compassion, it's actually quite simple, though not always easy. It's treating yourself with the same kindness you'd automatically give to a friend who was having a hard time. It's about reframing that inner dialogue we mentioned earlier. So when you mess up, instead of that default voice yelling, see, knew you'd fail. You consciously interrupt it. You might say to yourself, okay, that was really hard. But this difficulty doesn't define me. I'm actually learning something here.
[00:13:53] Speaker C: And to make this super practical right here, right now, we can use Dr. Kristin Neff's self compassion break. Yeah, it's a three step thing you can do anytime you feel stressed or overwhelmed.
[00:14:03] Speaker D: Yeah, it's brilliant. Step one is mindfulness. Or just call it. Yeah, you simply acknowledge what you're feeling without judging it. Just name it. This is a moment of suffering. Or even just, ouch, this hurts. Naming it kind of tames it, creates a little space between you and the feeling.
[00:14:16] Speaker C: Okay, name it. Step two is common humanity. What's that about?
[00:14:20] Speaker D: This is about remembering you're not alone in feeling this way. Pain, struggle, imperfection, that's part of being human. We all go through it. So the internal script might be something like, this is tough, but others feel this too. It's okay to be human. It breaks that feeling of isolation, right?
[00:14:36] Speaker C: Pulling yourself out of that only me feeling.
[00:14:38] Speaker D: And the last step, the final step is self kindness. This is where you actively offer yourself warmth, support, the kind you'd give someone you care about. A really simple, effective way to do this is physically place a hand over your heart. It sounds a bit corny maybe, but it works. And just quietly say to yourself, may I be kind to myself right now? That physical touch can actually help calm your nervous system down.
[00:15:02] Speaker C: That physical action. Yeah, it can be surprisingly powerful. So even right now, as you're listening, you could try it. Hand over your heart, take a slow breath and maybe repeat that affirmation.
I am safe. I am enough.
The question this leaves us with a really profound one is what if you were your own safe place?
[00:15:22] Speaker D: So today we've really traced this whole integrated journey, haven't we? Starting with self awareness, finding purpose through those three Ps, passion, pain, performance. Then ensuring alignment with the three's environment, equality, economy.
And finally, building that deep resilience. Resilience. That ability to bounce back through self compassion.
[00:15:41] Speaker C: So what does all this mean for you? Listening right now? What's the takeaway?
[00:15:45] Speaker D: Well, I think it boils down to accountability. For your environment, yes, but also for your actions. We want to close with a thought from the sources. One that's pretty challenging, demands some real honesty. If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse. So the challenge for you this week is where are you finding excuses right now? Excuses that are stopping you from aligning your actions with that confident, purposeful person you know you can be something to think about.
[00:16:11] Speaker E: You've just listened to another episode of the Other your with Ben and Sarah. Thank you once again for your insights and for sharing this chapter.
I am Jeanette Dunlop and I truly hope this week is your week for finding your own safe place.
No excuses.
Remember, things aren't being done to you, they are being done for you.
So if today's conversation reminded you that your story is still yours to shape, I encourage you to take the next step.
Pick up the pen, reflect, and rewrite the parts of your journey that no longer serves you.
You are not the draft of your past, you are the author of your future.
So keep exploring ways to create the other you.
Be sure to subscribe.
Share this episode with someone who needs it.
Purchase Rewrite your story from the link below and join our growing community of storytellers within Neddy's Facebook this was the.
[00:17:27] Speaker B: Last chapter from Part one, the Awakening.
[00:17:30] Speaker E: Next week we move into Part two, the Transformation.
Each episode invites you to pause, reflect and reconnect with practical tools for confidence, purpose and emotional balance.
We'll talk about real change, mindset resets, and how to build a life that feels like yours. Again.
Until next week, keep writing and keep to come.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: Satan Sam.
