Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: SA breaks through my window.
Quiet hope begins to rise.
Every doubt starts to melt away. Now in the warmth of open sky.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: We are all storytellers. Every day, with every choice, we add a new line to the narrative of our lives.
Some of those lines are full of laughter and light.
Others carry the weight of struggle, disappointment, or silence.
For many of us, the stories we carry weren't entirely written by us. They were shaped by expectations, by the voices of others, by wounds from the past. And yet, deep down, we know this is not the whole story.
I am Jeanette Dunlop, author of Rewrite youe Story and My Book of Mantras. Welcome another natty collection, the Other your, the Podcast, where stories transform, voices rise, and possibilities unfold.
And explore the power of rewriting our stories.
Today, alongside your hosts, Ben Jenkins and Sarah Michaels, we'll uncover the courage, the tools, and the inspiration to write your story not as it was, but as it can be.
So take a breath, open your heart, and step into a conversation designed to remind you you are not bound by yesterday. You are free to create the other you.
[00:02:05] Speaker C: Welcome back to the Deep Dive.
Hey. So today we're essentially handing you a roadmap. And this isn't just, you know, feel good motivation. We're talking intentional, actionable engineering for personal change.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: Right.
[00:02:18] Speaker C: It's really designed for those times, those crossroads moments we all hit, you know, when the path you're on just ends. And looking ahead, it's. It's just fog you can't see clearly.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: Exactly. And the source material we're digging into today kind of bypasses the usual fluffy advice. It drills right into these practical frameworks, the kind of high performance coaches, strategists they actually use. Yeah, we're aiming to move past just wishing for change and actually show you how to build it step by step.
[00:02:47] Speaker C: Okay, so we've boiled this down from the sources into three, I think, really powerful tools. We're going to cover the grow model. Classic, but we'll dig in. Then the SWOT analysis, but adapted for personal stuff, not just business, which is so useful. Totally. And finally, Daniel Priestley's model for fulfillment. It connects problem, passion, and payment. Really interesting stuff.
[00:03:07] Speaker A: And our mission today really is to help you, the listener, cut through all that noise, you know, the information overload that just paralyzes you, and maybe more importantly, help you spot and maybe start to dismantle some of those deeply ingrained expectations, cultural, social, the stuff that might have steered you onto a path that isn't really yours.
[00:03:27] Speaker C: Right.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: This deep dive is about finding that clarity, finding the courage, really, to choose a direction that feels true, genuinely aligned with who you are.
[00:03:37] Speaker C: Okay, let's do it. Let's unpack this roadmap first, tool up the G, R, O model.
[00:03:43] Speaker A: Yep. G, R, O, W. Now, look, we.
[00:03:45] Speaker C: Know you've probably heard of it, but the sources we looked at really hammered this home. The power isn't just knowing the letters. It's in the. The rigorous application, really using the structure.
[00:03:55] Speaker A: It seems simple. 4 steps, repeatable. Turns those vague wishes into something concrete.
[00:04:00] Speaker C: So the four steps. G, Goal. What do you actually want? R. Reality. Where are you right now? Oh, options. What choices do you have? And W, will, what are you going to commit to doing?
[00:04:11] Speaker A: Okay, so G, R, O, W Looks simple, right? But here's a key insight from the research that G goal. People mess this up all the time. They confuse it with just like a wish, a fantasy.
[00:04:22] Speaker C: Like, I want to be happy.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: Exactly. The sources warn if your goal isn't really clear, measurable, relevant, the whole thing just collapses. I want to be happy. That's a wish. But I will secure a new role leading a smaller team by the end of Q3.
[00:04:39] Speaker C: Okay, now that's a direction. We can work with that.
[00:04:41] Speaker A: Right, so you need that sharpness first. Then you hit R, Reality.
Where are you right now? And the step, well, it requires some brutal honesty, doesn't it?
[00:04:49] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely. No excuses here. We're looking for data. What resources do you actually have? What are your real limitations? What. What's actively holding you back right now?
[00:04:57] Speaker A: Okay, but here's a question that came up for me from the sources. What happens when that reality check is just devastating, like, so brutal, it just paralyzes you, stops you from even thinking about options. Yeah, and that's actually where the structure itself shows its value. See, paralysis often comes from feeling totally overwhelmed by that gap. Right? The chasm between the goal and the reality.
The model forces you to define the gap, not just stare into the abyss. And right after reality, you move into. Oh, options. What choices are actually available?
[00:05:28] Speaker C: Brainstorming part.
[00:05:29] Speaker A: Exactly. And the sources are really clear here. Judgment, free zone. You gotta write down everything, every possibility. Doesn't matter how wild or ridiculous it seems at first. Just get it out there.
[00:05:40] Speaker C: And then finally. W. Will. This is the accountability piece, isn't it?
[00:05:44] Speaker A: It is. What specific actions with timelines are you going to commit to, like, starting today or this week? This is where potential turns into actual, accountable action.
[00:05:53] Speaker C: Okay, so to make this really concrete, let's talk about that story from the source material net. In her 30s. Yeah. It really illustrates defining that tough reality and then focusing on small commitments.
[00:06:03] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a great example. Her goal was powerful. She wanted balance. She wanted to rediscover her sense of self, her identity.
[00:06:09] Speaker C: But her reality, Wow. I mean, the description was just overwhelming.
[00:06:15] Speaker A: Totally. She was being pulled in what, like a dozen directions. Daughter, sister, mother, wife, running two businesses.
[00:06:22] Speaker C: Plus a demanding corporate job and studying for a postgrad degree.
[00:06:26] Speaker A: Insane, right? She was just reacting.
Constantly putting out fires, completely misaligned with her own values, just surviving.
[00:06:34] Speaker C: And the sources highlighted that moment. The Santa anecdote.
[00:06:37] Speaker A: Ah, yeah, that crystallizing moment. Her little boy asks her mom, do you believe in Santa?
[00:06:43] Speaker C: Simple question, but loaded.
[00:06:45] Speaker A: Right? She didn't want to lie, but she couldn't just shut it down either. In that split second, she sort of articulated her real belief, which was she realized she believed in the spirit of people who just constantly give their knowledge, their love, their time with no expectation of return. That was her Santa.
[00:07:00] Speaker C: Wow. And that defined her leadership philosophy. But also just threw into sharp relief how her actual life is. Constant reaction to stress was totally crushing her ability to live by that value.
[00:07:11] Speaker A: Exactly. The misalignment was stark.
So that painful reality led her to O options. And for her that meant, well, pretty radical boundary setting.
[00:07:22] Speaker C: Like what?
[00:07:23] Speaker A: Delegating more at home, at work, Saying no. A big one to stuff that wasn't essential. And crucially, carving out these tiny, tiny pockets of time just for herself.
[00:07:34] Speaker C: And again, the source is stressed. Brainstorm wide first, figure out practicalities later.
[00:07:39] Speaker A: Don't censor yourself in the option stage.
[00:07:41] Speaker C: Okay. And then the W will stage for her. The commitment.
[00:07:44] Speaker A: Well, this is the beauty of it. It wasn't some massive earth shattering change overnight. Her commitment was one action a week.
[00:07:51] Speaker C: Just one.
[00:07:51] Speaker A: Just one. Like leaving work exactly on time one day. Or taking an hour just to breathe, Maybe meditate. Saying no to joining yet another committee at school. Tiny things.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: And that's the takeaway, isn't it? Small, consistent steps, they add up. They help you reclaim your voice, find that balance again.
[00:08:07] Speaker A: Absolutely. If you're starting from that place of feeling completely overwhelmed by your reality, the sources really suggest focusing that will commitment on consistency, sustainability. Not trying to do everything at once.
[00:08:18] Speaker C: That makes so much sense. Moving from overwhelming reality to just one manageable action.
Okay, that's key. Now let's shift gears to the second tool, which really helps with the honesty of that reality check the SWOT analysis.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: Right. Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats.
[00:08:38] Speaker C: Usually feels very corporate. Right? Quarterly reviews and all that.
[00:08:41] Speaker A: It does, but it's actually incredibly Powerful. When you turn that lens inward for personal growth, for transformation.
[00:08:48] Speaker C: So how does that work? What's the personal angle?
[00:08:50] Speaker A: Well, the critical thing right off the bat is distinguishing between the internal stuff, what you can control, and. And the external stuff, which you can maybe influence or manage, but not directly control.
[00:09:01] Speaker C: Okay, so strengths and weaknesses, those are internal.
[00:09:03] Speaker A: Exactly. Your strength, those are your natural gifts. Your talents, skills you've learned. Positive habits. It's where your passion, your motivation usually hangs out.
[00:09:12] Speaker C: Your superpowers. Kind of.
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Kind of, yeah. And then your weaknesses, these are also internal patterns, behaviors, maybe conditioned reactions.
The things that block positivity or keep you stuck in old ways.
[00:09:23] Speaker C: Oh, oh, the hard part.
[00:09:24] Speaker A: Well, yeah, but the sources stress this. View them with compassion. But also critically, your weaknesses are invitations to grow. They are not your fixed identity. That's huge.
[00:09:36] Speaker C: That's a much better frame. Yeah, I think for me looking at weaknesses, avoidance is probably a big one. But seriously, actually facing that stuff, especially getting external feedback. Yeah, that's where it gets painful. That's where I think most people stumble.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: It is painful because let's be honest, most of us are conditioned to hear weakness as criticism. Right. Maybe disguise as banter or some passive aggressive comment.
[00:09:59] Speaker C: Totally.
[00:10:00] Speaker A: But a proper SWOT for yourself requires real data. Okay, then you look.
[00:10:04] Speaker C: External opportunities.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: These are situations, chances, things outside you that you can leverage for growth. Stepping stones and threats. External risks, things that could potentially derail you, knock you off course. These are warnings, not. Not destiny, just things to be aware of and prepare for.
[00:10:22] Speaker C: Okay, so application. It's not just listing these things, is it? The sources talked about mapping them against each other.
[00:10:28] Speaker A: Exactly. That's where the strategy comes in.
A key function is figuring out how to use an internal strength to tackle an external threat or to seize an opportunity.
[00:10:38] Speaker C: Can you give an example?
[00:10:40] Speaker A: Sure. Let's say a threat for you personally is rising market volatility, making my job feel insecure.
External threat.
[00:10:48] Speaker C: Yeah. Pretty common right now.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: Right. But maybe one of your internal strengths is I'm really adaptable, I learn fast. Okay, so you leverage that strength. You immediately look for an opportunity, maybe getting a specific certification in a more resilient field. And you use your strength, fast learning to grab that opportunity which directly mitigates the threat. Job insecurity.
[00:11:09] Speaker C: Ah, I see. So it's the intersection. Using what's inside to deal with what's outside.
[00:11:13] Speaker A: That's where the power lies. Absolutely.
[00:11:15] Speaker C: And to make this whole assessment really robust, not just navel gazing, the sources had that challenge, that non negotiable action item.
[00:11:22] Speaker A: Yes. Embrace external feedback. Ask three people you trust, really trust, for honest insight.
[00:11:28] Speaker C: Ask them what specifically two things.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: What do they see as your single biggest strength?
And what's one area where they see the most immediate potential for growth?
[00:11:39] Speaker C: That takes courage.
[00:11:40] Speaker A: It does. Think about it. In a work context, this kind of feedback is often built in, non negotiable.
But in our private lives, we avoid it like the plague.
[00:11:51] Speaker C: Guilty as charged.
[00:11:52] Speaker A: Right. But doing this prevents the blind spots. We tend to obsess over the weaknesses we already dislike in ourselves. We might completely overlook a major strength others see or be totally blind to a pattern that's actually quite damaging because we've just normalized it.
[00:12:07] Speaker C: So this reframes that potentially awkward conversation. It's not judgment, it's data collection. Data for growth.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Precisely. Data for intentional growth.
[00:12:16] Speaker C: That's actually a perfect bridge moving from that internal assessment, the swot, to looking at the external context more broadly. Because once we got to understand our strengths, our vulnerabilities, the sources say we have to overlay that with these powerful external pressures, the ones that often guide or maybe misguide our choices.
[00:12:31] Speaker A: Which brings us right to cultural programming.
[00:12:34] Speaker C: Yeah. Especially as the sources highlighted the implicit expectations often placed on women shaping life paths, defining what success should look like.
[00:12:43] Speaker A: You know, the expectation maybe of being chosen, getting married, having kids, and then the modern reality of juggling full time work, full time family, and, well, what the source material bluntly called full time guilt.
[00:12:55] Speaker C: Right.
And that programming means a lot of people, not just women, hit a crossroads and suddenly realize, hang on the path I'm on, someone else chose this for me. Or I sort of drifted onto it. It wasn't a conscious choice by me, exactly. Remember that really powerful quote shared in the material from Elizabeth Proust? She was a managing director of a major bank back then, giving advice about growth.
[00:13:18] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that was a good one.
[00:13:20] Speaker C: She said, choose your partner wisely. They help create the environment you grow in.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: It's profound, isn't it? Because it links your personal growth potential directly to your logistical reality. Your environment, which in SWAT terms is full of external opportunities and threats, is so often dictated by those fundamental choices about partnership, about home life. If your partner or your home setup is actually a threat to your growth.
[00:13:44] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:13:45] Speaker A: Well, your personal SWOT analysis is going to consistently show you're unable to leverage your strength effectively. You're constantly fighting your environment.
[00:13:53] Speaker C: Wow. Yeah. And that idea of wisdom, maybe hard won wisdom, it connects perfectly to that Helen Reddy song reference that kept popping up in the sources.
[00:14:01] Speaker A: I am woman. Yeah, iconic.
[00:14:03] Speaker C: The Lyrics they pulled out. Oh, yes, I am wise, but it's wisdom born of pain. Yes, I've paid the price, but look how much I've gained. It's about resilience. But.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: But the sources used it to pose a question, didn't they? It was like, are you only gaining wisdom after the pain, or can you choose more proactively? Can you use the wisdom you already have, maybe from your swat, from your grow goal, to avoid the pain of misalignment in the first place?
[00:14:27] Speaker C: That's the challenge.
[00:14:28] Speaker A: Yeah. Ask yourself, why did you choose the path you're on? Does it actually still fulfill you? And if not, what's genuinely stopping you from choosing again right now?
[00:14:37] Speaker C: Which leads us beautifully into our third and final tool, the one that helps define that true path, the fulfilling path, and cuts through all that cultural noise. Daniel Priestley's model, right?
[00:14:48] Speaker A: The interception of three key problem, passion and payment.
[00:14:54] Speaker C: Okay, break those down. What do they really mean in this context?
[00:14:57] Speaker A: So passion is pretty straightforward. It's that deep energy source, right? What you intrinsically enjoy doing, what lights you up.
[00:15:04] Speaker C: Got it.
[00:15:04] Speaker A: Payment is also fairly clear. It's the economic engine. How does this path sustain you financially? Makes sense, but the one that often gets overlooked, the central driver in Priestly's model is the problem. And not just any problem. It's a systemic challenge. Something out there in the world that you feel fundamentally called to solve.
You care about fixing this thing.
[00:15:24] Speaker C: Okay, so passion, payment and a problem you care about solving. That's a different frame.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: It really is. And it contrasts so sharply with how many people end up in careers, doesn't it? Think about the standard advice kids get.
[00:15:36] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Be a doctor, lawyer, engineer.
[00:15:38] Speaker A: Right. Why? Because it's safe. It pays well.
That advice prioritizes payment and predictability above.
[00:15:45] Speaker C: Everything else and what gets lost.
[00:15:47] Speaker A: While the sources argue that approach systematically discourages exploring your unique strengths, your curiosity, your creativity, you end up solving a systemic problem. Sure, like your own need for financial stability, or maybe your parents need for bragging rights. But you often sacrifice finding and solving the passionate problem you were maybe born to address.
[00:16:09] Speaker C: This is where it got really juicy in the source material. They used that movie anecdote to hammer this home from up in the Air with George Clooney.
[00:16:17] Speaker A: Oh, that scene is brutal and brilliant.
[00:16:20] Speaker C: So Clooney's character, his job is firing people. He's telling J.K. simmons character, his role is done. Redundant.
[00:16:27] Speaker A: Yeah, standard corporate stuff. But then Clooney flips the script.
[00:16:30] Speaker C: He does. Instead of just processing the severance package he turns it into this, this intervention. He reminds the guy, J.K. simmons character about his lifelong dream to be a chef. He studied culinary arts.
[00:16:42] Speaker A: And then comes the killer question, the.
[00:16:44] Speaker C: Get punch Clooney asks him straight up, how much did they first pay you to give up on your dreams?
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Just devastating, right?
[00:16:54] Speaker C: And that question, it just lays bare the true cost, the opportunity cost of betraying yourself, of choosing safety over your core drive. It forces you, the listener, to think, how much did I value security over passion? What was the price?
[00:17:11] Speaker A: And the message underneath is powerful too. You know, kids don't admire people just because they clock in and out safely. They admire people who follow their dreams, who solve problems they care about.
[00:17:20] Speaker C: And the point is, you're allowed to pivot. No matter your age, no matter how far down one path you are, you're allowed to reconnect with that passion. Redefine the problem you want to solve.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: And when those three things align, the problem you're passionate about solving, using your unique strengths from your SWOT to payment, it becomes a natural result. It follows it's not the reason you do it, it's the outcome.
[00:17:41] Speaker C: So Priestly's model really encourages you to use the other tools. Right? Use Grow and SWOT to figure out what that unique intersection looks like for you.
[00:17:49] Speaker A: Exactly. Use your strengths to solve a problem you're passionate about. The payment model will emerge from that alignment.
[00:17:55] Speaker C: Okay, wow.
So let's try and wrap this deep dive up. We've covered a lot, given you a pretty comprehensive toolkit. Actually, we hit the model. That's your framework for intentional action.
Remember the emphasis on small sustainable commitments for the will part.
[00:18:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Don't bite off more than you can chew initially.
[00:18:14] Speaker C: Then the SWOT analysis for that clear eyed self assessment. Strengths, weaknesses internally, opportunities, threats externally, and that crucial need for honest external feedback.
Gotta fight the blind spots.
[00:18:27] Speaker A: Absolutely essential, that feedback piece.
[00:18:30] Speaker C: And finally, Priestley's fulfillment triangle problem, Passion, payment. That's your alignment check. Asking yourself, you know, am I living the script I wrote or one that was kind of handed to me?
[00:18:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Are you solving your problem or someone else's?
[00:18:43] Speaker C: So, the final invitation from us, based on everything we've discussed, it's simple. Just commit to one small action this week. Leverage a strength, maybe address a threat.
Define one tiny measurable goal step, something that aligns with your true passion, with that problem you care about.
[00:19:00] Speaker A: And maybe leave you with this final thought to chew on. You are not here to live the life someone else imagined for you. You are here to remember the life you were born to create.
[00:19:09] Speaker B: You have just listened to another episode of the Other your with Ben and Sarah. Thank you for your insights once again and for sharing this chapter.
I am Jeanette Dunlop and I truly hope this week is your week for courage and choice.
Remember, things are not being done to you, they are being done for you. So if today's conversation reminded you that your story is still yours to shape, I encourage you to take the next step.
Pick up the pen, reflect, and rewrite the parts of your journey that no longer serve you.
You are not the draft of your past, you are the author of your future.
So to keep exploring ways to create the other you. Be sure to subscribe. Share this episode with someone who needs it. Purchase Rewrite youe Story from the link below and join our growing community of storytellers within Nettie's Facebook group.
Until next week, keep writing and keep.
[00:20:15] Speaker A: Becoming and we rise, we shine inside the light all our fears, they drift away tonight Softly held by hope go skies above Guided by the blow of love Sam.
