Reinvention

[00:00:05] Speaker A: In the quiet of the shadowed heart A whisper stirs the dark I lingered in the night beneath the veil of doubt each breath the silent question lost in echoes round. [00:00:31] Speaker B: We are all storytellers and lessons learned from part one and part two is that we can add to the narrative of our lives that aligns with who we are, why we are here, and what we truly want. I am Jeanette Dunlop, author of Rewrite youe Story and my book of Mantras. Welcome back to another Nettie collection, part three of the other you podcast, where stories transform, voices rise and possibilities unfold. Let's explore further the powerful turning point in this journey, the shift from healing to releasing. Continuously stepping into the next chapter of your life. The new story, the intentional, self directed version of you who is becoming. With the continued support of your hosts Ben Jenkins and Sarah Michaels, Part 3 invites you to build a strong, enduring blueprint for lifelong growth and reinvention. So take a breath, open your heart, and step into a conversation designed to visualize a life that reflects who you choose to be. It's the start of your extraordinary next chapter. [00:01:51] Speaker C: Welcome to the Deep Dive. We are here to really transform insight into action. The idea is to take some of the most powerful, really densely packed knowledge from these groundbreaking resources and basically create a shortcut for you so you can become, well, profoundly well informed. [00:02:08] Speaker D: And today we are taking on a topic that I think sits right at the heart of, well, human aspiration. Reinvention. [00:02:16] Speaker C: Right. [00:02:17] Speaker D: But we should be really clear about what we mean by that. We're not interested in the temporary fixes, you know, the superficial stuff, a glow. [00:02:24] Speaker C: Up you see on social media. [00:02:26] Speaker D: Exactly. The hyper curated, filtered kind of change that just, it evaporates the second the camera turns off. [00:02:31] Speaker C: No, we are talking about the real gritty, the deeply transformative kind of reinvention. This is the change that requires you to actually dismantle old beliefs and to fundamentally shift who you are and I guess what you believe you're capable of. [00:02:46] Speaker D: And it is profoundly rattling. It is, but it's something that can happen whether you're navigating your mid-20s or, you know, well into your 70s. It really challenges that comfortable status quo. [00:02:55] Speaker C: So our source material today is chapter 12 of Rewrite youe Story by Jeanette Dunlamp. The chapter itself is titled the Courage to Reinvent at Any Age. [00:03:04] Speaker D: And it's for anyone who's ever felt that internal pull, that little voice that says, I am meant for something different or I really need to change, but. [00:03:13] Speaker C: At the same time you feel stuck. [00:03:14] Speaker D: Yeah, Constrained by that belief that time has just run out. If that's you, then this deep dive. [00:03:21] Speaker C: Is absolutely for you the central, really powerful premise that drives this entire chapter. And what we're really committing to exploring today is that reinvention. It's not some fleeting privilege. It's not just for the young or the independently wealthy. [00:03:35] Speaker D: No. It's what Dunlop calls. And I love this phrasing. The birthright of the bold. [00:03:39] Speaker C: It's so good. [00:03:41] Speaker D: Is just crucial. Our mission today is to dismantle that insidious cultural myth of it's too late. [00:03:46] Speaker C: Right. [00:03:47] Speaker D: We want to address those nagging inner questions. You know the ones. Is it truly too late for me? And maybe more importantly, where. Where do I even begin? [00:03:55] Speaker C: Where do we start the hard work? [00:03:57] Speaker D: Exactly. We want to provide you with the comprehensive step by step structure, but pulled right from this text to start redefining not just your success, but your very identity. [00:04:08] Speaker C: Okay, let's jump right into the societal pressure cooker. The societal timeline trap. The source material really doesn't mince words here. It calls the belief that change has. [00:04:18] Speaker D: An expiration date profoundly damaging. [00:04:21] Speaker C: Yeah. And it's so pervasive, isn't it? It's why so many of us feel this intense pressure pretty much throughout our entire adult lives. [00:04:29] Speaker D: It's truly insidious. It's like society imposes this invisible clock on all of us. And just think about how that pressure shifts and intensifies at different stages of Life. In your 20s, you're just bombarded with this pressure to have it all figured out. [00:04:43] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely. The career path has to be set. [00:04:45] Speaker D: The partner chosen, the five year plan all defined. You're told this is your only shot. You know, when you have boundless energy and no real commitments. [00:04:53] Speaker C: And then if you haven't made it by 30, the pressure just becomes almost frantic. Right. Society starts to subtly suggest that your window for any kind of big risky change is closing fast. [00:05:06] Speaker D: You start hearing that toxic refrain, you need to focus on stability now. [00:05:10] Speaker C: Ugh, Stability, Absolutely. [00:05:12] Speaker D: And then by the time you hit your 40s and 50s, the narrative in your head totally shifts. It goes from I should change to, well, it's just too late now. [00:05:20] Speaker C: I have too much baggage, too many. [00:05:21] Speaker D: Responsibilities, too much to lose. And this is the most critical juncture because this is where so many people just stop dreaming. They stop dreaming of that fundamental identity level change simply because they believe the window has irrevocably closed. They mistake all their experience for a lack of opportunity. [00:05:39] Speaker C: It's like society hands you this pre Printed laminated badge that just says, this is your role, this is you, and you're just supposed to wear it until you retire. [00:05:47] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:05:47] Speaker C: But what Dunlop really emphasizes, and this is such a liberating truth, is that real life, you know, the messy, honest, deeply meaningful life, it just doesn't fit into those neat little timelines. [00:06:01] Speaker D: It never does. [00:06:02] Speaker C: The most meaningful changes, they happen when we realize those external expectations are completely artificial. They're just constraints we've accepted. [00:06:11] Speaker D: And that's the thing, real reinvention. It doesn't demand youth. It demands conviction. [00:06:16] Speaker C: Right. [00:06:16] Speaker D: It requires courage and profound clarity, painful honesty. And it requires the willingness to simply let go of the story or the role. You've literally outgrown that. [00:06:29] Speaker C: Letting go is the hardest part. [00:06:30] Speaker D: It is. But when you look at the lives of people who really did it successfully, we'll talk about some right timers later on. Their actual age is a totally irrelevant footnote. What matters, what's crucial, is their willingness to disrupt their own comfort. [00:06:43] Speaker C: Okay, so if age is irrelevant and financial stuff is often a secondary problem, what is the real blocker here? [00:06:50] Speaker D: The book is crystal clear on this. [00:06:52] Speaker C: Fear. [00:06:52] Speaker D: It's fear, but it's not just some general anxiety. It hones in on a very specific and, honestly, a heartbreaking kind of fear. [00:06:59] Speaker C: And what is that? [00:07:00] Speaker D: It's the paralyzing grip of the fear of regret. This is that subtle but absolutely crushing inner cry of, I could have done that. I should have pursued that, but I didn't. [00:07:10] Speaker C: It's the pain of looking back. [00:07:11] Speaker D: Exactly. It's the realization that hits you years down the line, maybe in a quiet moment, that the only thing that stopped you from living that life, that career, that relationship, that adventure, it wasn't really a lack of money or time. It was just the sheer agonizing paralysis of fear itself. [00:07:27] Speaker C: And the fear of regret is such a unique kind of pain, isn't it? Yeah, because it forces you into this confrontation with your past self. You realize you chose comfort over courage. [00:07:38] Speaker D: Yes, we make these decisions that feel so safe in the moment, but we only realize much later that the long term emotional cost of that safety was abandoning a potential version of ourselves. [00:07:49] Speaker C: And that fear, it paralyzes action because it's all about future projection. [00:07:53] Speaker D: It is. We imagine the absolute worst case scenario of failure happening today. You know, losing money, losing social standing, losing stability, all the external stuff. Right. But we rarely, if ever truly confront the worst case scenario of inaction, living a life dictated by someone else's script and hitting 75 and realizing the biggest risk you ever took was not taking any risks at all. [00:08:16] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, that's heartbreaking. But if you're feeling that restlessness right now, that profound existential pull towards something you can't even define, you need to recognize it for what it is. [00:08:28] Speaker D: Yes. [00:08:28] Speaker C: That restlessness is not a sign that you're broken or disorganized or that you need another self help book. [00:08:33] Speaker D: It is an invitation. It's your entire system signaling that you are ready for evolution. The chapter is filled with stories of people who launched businesses, wrote their first novels, entered completely new fields, or found deep, fulfilling love at 30, 50 years, even 70. [00:08:49] Speaker C: Age is just a number. [00:08:50] Speaker D: It's just a number on the calendar. Willingness to face that fear of regret, to choose the unknown future over the familiar past. That is the key. The moment you are willing to face that future regret, you've already taken the first step. You're already gathering courage. [00:09:03] Speaker C: So once we make that courageous internal decision, that willingness to change, the next challenge is, well, dealing with the chaos that comes next. That's why I was so struck by this next section. We're moving from the internal yes to an external framework for mapping out the disorder that's bound to happen. [00:09:20] Speaker D: And this is where Dunlop does something brilliant. She co ops a framework that's usually used in organizational psychology. It's Bruce Tuchman's model of group development from back in 1965. [00:09:31] Speaker C: Right. [00:09:32] Speaker D: This model outlines five distinct stages that any group, and by extension any individual going through deep change, moves through. They are forming, storming, norming, performing and adjourning. [00:09:43] Speaker C: And reframing. This classic model as a personal growth cycle for rewriting your own story is just, it's incredibly powerful. It gives you structure, but I think more importantly, it gives you validation for the chaos, for that self doubting emotional mess that transformation always is. It basically tells you this mess is normal. [00:10:02] Speaker D: Yes. So let's dedicate some serious time to breaking this down. Because knowing where you are in the cycle allows you to navigate the phase instead of fighting it. [00:10:10] Speaker C: Okay, let's start at the beginning. [00:10:11] Speaker D: Forming, forming. This is the start of the new chapter. It's the initial idea, that quiet commitment you make to yourself. This stage often follows something acute. Maybe burnout from a job, a significant loss, or just that quiet acknowledgment that you've been living someone else's life and. [00:10:29] Speaker C: Your dreams start to come back. [00:10:30] Speaker D: Right, exactly. New aspirations reemerge, but they're accompanied by a lot of uncertainty. There's excitement, but you're also sort of polite towards this New identity. [00:10:40] Speaker C: You're testing the waters. [00:10:41] Speaker D: You're testing the waters. You're saying, maybe I'm an artist or maybe I can switch careers. The energy is hopeful, but it's very tentative. [00:10:49] Speaker C: It's like a new team getting together. [00:10:50] Speaker D: Everyone's on their best behavior, including your own internal dialogue. But inevitably, once you start taking real action, you hit the critical phase. [00:10:59] Speaker C: Storming. [00:11:00] Speaker D: Storming. And this is where most people abandon the journey. [00:11:03] Speaker C: And the source material is so essential here because it normalizes the pain of storming. [00:11:07] Speaker D: It does. [00:11:08] Speaker C: This is where all the old deeply seated beliefs, the emotional triggers from your childhood, the raw fears, they all rise up and demand your attention. [00:11:17] Speaker D: It's a war zone. If you've ever started a new fitness routine or a creative project only to find yourself procrastinating, self sabotaging, or suddenly feeling like a total imposter, you're in storming. You are in storming. This is where you encounter the strongest resistance. And it's not from outside forces. It's from your own historical patterns. [00:11:37] Speaker C: What does that look like? [00:11:38] Speaker D: Ah, it can be debilitating imposter syndrome, Sudden cravings for old destructive habits, like people pleasing people pleasing perfectionism, or just an overwhelming feeling of inertia. Dunlop calls this the messy emotional breakdown before the breakthrough. [00:11:54] Speaker C: And that is such a crucial point, because if you feel total chaos when you're trying to make a positive change, your first thought is usually, I must be failing. [00:12:03] Speaker D: This is the wrong path. [00:12:04] Speaker C: I'm not strong enough for this. [00:12:05] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:12:05] Speaker C: But the model insists that discomfort is not failure. It's just the process of restructuring your mind. It means you're challenging some deep seated. [00:12:13] Speaker D: Psychological architecture, and the great danger is abandoning the process right there. If you mistake the surfacing of old wounds for proof that the new path is wrong, you retreat. You go back to what's familiar. [00:12:27] Speaker C: But if you hold on, if you. [00:12:29] Speaker D: Hold firm, you navigate that resistance and you begin to enter the next phase. Norming. [00:12:34] Speaker C: Okay, norming. This is the stabilization phase. [00:12:38] Speaker D: This is where clarity finally develops. The emotional chaos of storming starts to dissipate. You begin to genuinely understand your core personal values. Not the values you thought you should have, but the ones that truly drive you now. [00:12:51] Speaker C: So you start setting boundaries, clear boundaries. [00:12:54] Speaker D: You recognize and leverage your authentic strengths, and you start developing new habits that actually support the future self you're building. [00:13:00] Speaker C: The new identity stops feeling like a costume you're wearing. [00:13:03] Speaker D: Exactly. It stabilizes. It starts to feel authentic and real. The internal arguments lessen, and there's a sense of, you know, Internal peace. You're practicing the new role and it's starting to stick. You're establishing the new normal for your thoughts and your behavior. [00:13:17] Speaker C: And only once that new normality is established can you really move into the next phase. Performing, the one everyone wants to get to. [00:13:25] Speaker D: It's the stage everyone aspires to. Yeah. It's stepping into alignment, operating with this quiet confidence and taking bold action that feels natural instead of forced. [00:13:35] Speaker C: There's a sense of flow, a sense. [00:13:36] Speaker D: Of flow and effectiveness because your actions are now rooted in the clear, deeply established values and boundaries you defined during norming. [00:13:43] Speaker C: And finally, there's a fifth stage which is often overlooked. [00:13:46] Speaker D: Adjourning. And Dunlop stresses how necessary this is. [00:13:50] Speaker C: So what if it? [00:13:51] Speaker D: Adjourning is the conscious, deliberate process of letting go. It's releasing the roles, the habits, the expectations, and sometimes even the relationships that no longer serve the person you've become. [00:14:02] Speaker C: So it's reflection. [00:14:03] Speaker D: It's reflection. It's celebrating the growth you've achieved. And critically, it's preparing for the next cycle. Because every ending is just a new beginnings forming stage. [00:14:13] Speaker C: What makes this model so relevant is how the source connects it to this analogy of the infinite game of life. It's a really compelling way to synthesize why people get stuck. [00:14:25] Speaker D: It is think of your life as this continuous, massive, complex game. To reach the next level, let's say it's breaking a career glass ceiling or hitting a personal goal. You have to gather all the necessary pieces from your current level, all the self knowledge. [00:14:41] Speaker C: And the book brings up this great example from esports or online gaming. The players who rush, the ones who skip the tutorials or ignore the little side quests, they inevitably hit a wall later in the game. [00:14:52] Speaker D: They always do. They miss some vital element, an essential tool, some piece of knowledge they needed. [00:14:58] Speaker C: And it forces them to go all the way back to the earlier levels to get what they missed. [00:15:01] Speaker D: And we do this all the time in real life. We rush through the difficult, painful, messy growth of storming. We try to jump straight from the spark of forming into the glorious action of performing. [00:15:11] Speaker C: But because we miss that critical self knowledge, the boundary setting, the value definition from norming, our actions feel brittle. [00:15:19] Speaker D: They do. And we hit a wall. Maybe it's a crisis of confidence, an unexpected conflict, or a sudden reversion to an old bad habit. [00:15:27] Speaker C: And that wall, it forces you psychologically. [00:15:30] Speaker D: Right back to storming, often with even more pain and self doubt, because now you feel like you failed again, right? So Tuckman's theory, applied personally, is Both a warning and a guide. You absolutely must norm before you perform. The discomfort of storming is the price you pay for long term alignment. [00:15:47] Speaker C: Let's delve into the deep emotional reality of this kind of change. You touched on it earlier. Even when the change is for the better, you know you've left a toxic job, you've embraced a new passion. It can still feel incredibly difficult. [00:16:01] Speaker D: It can. [00:16:02] Speaker C: So why does change so often feel like betrayal? [00:16:04] Speaker D: Because reinvention fundamentally shakes the foundation of your identity. Not just for you, but for everyone around you. [00:16:11] Speaker C: Right. [00:16:11] Speaker D: For most of us, our identity is tied up in a role. We play a role to get external approval and maintain stability. [00:16:17] Speaker C: You're the reliable caregiver or the high. [00:16:19] Speaker D: Achieving breadwinner, the stable anchor of the family, the person who always has it all together. [00:16:24] Speaker C: And we invest decades building and perfecting those roles. [00:16:27] Speaker D: We do so when you announce to the world, and more importantly to yourself that you're changing that identity, that the anchor is moving, you're not just changing your job title, you are challenging the entire unwritten script that your support system and your own history has relied upon for years. [00:16:45] Speaker C: So changing course feels like failure. [00:16:47] Speaker D: It feels like failure because you're abandoning the agreed upon script. It feels like betrayal because you're walking away from the person you promised everyone you would be. [00:16:56] Speaker C: But the counter truth to that is so important, it's essential. [00:17:00] Speaker D: Outgrowing your past self is not disloyal. It is essential evolution. It is the necessary agining phase. [00:17:06] Speaker C: Right? [00:17:06] Speaker D: You're releasing a framework that once served you. Maybe it kept you safe, maybe it helped you survive. But it no longer fits the ambitious, evolving person you are becoming. [00:17:16] Speaker C: Growth has to start with disruption. [00:17:18] Speaker D: It must. It has to begin with disruption, not stability. Stability is the reward you get after you've successfully navigated the disruption and settled into your new norming phase. [00:17:28] Speaker C: So if you're embarking on this path, you have to be emotionally prepared. Dunlop lays out three specific unavoidable emotional realities. These aren't obstacles to avoid. They're truths you just have to face and move through. [00:17:42] Speaker D: The first one is a bitter pill, but it's unavoidable. You will disappoint someone. The people in your life, your family, your close friends, your colleagues, the ones who preferred the predictable older version of you. They will feel threatened or let down. [00:17:59] Speaker C: Or even angry because their stability relied on your predictability. [00:18:03] Speaker D: Exactly. When you change, you force them to look at their own stagnant choices. And that's uncomfortable. [00:18:10] Speaker C: We should probably unpack that disappointment. A Little bit. It's so important to realize their disappointment is not about your failure. No, it's about their fear, their advice, you know? Are you sure about that? Isn't that risky? It sounds like concern, but it's often just a projection of their own limitations. [00:18:24] Speaker D: Their own desire for you to go back to your familiar role. Recognizing that lets you detach from the responsibility of managing their emotions about your life. [00:18:32] Speaker C: Okay, so what's the second truth? [00:18:34] Speaker D: The second truth is you will fear starting from scratch. This is just the natural anxiety of confronting the unknown. It doesn't matter if you're launching a new career or just redefining personal boundaries in a long marriage, that feeling of. [00:18:46] Speaker C: Losing your competence, it's terrifying. [00:18:49] Speaker D: We crave mastery, and starting anything new strips us bare of that mastery and plunges us right back into being a beginner. [00:18:57] Speaker C: And the fear there is the fear of incompetence, right? Loss of status, maybe public failure. It's hard to trade 20 years of confidence in one field for the total vulnerability of day one in another, even. [00:19:09] Speaker D: If that other field is where your heart truly lies. [00:19:11] Speaker C: And the third emotional truth? This one feels the most complex. [00:19:15] Speaker D: It is. It's that you will grieve who you used to be. Even if that old identity was painful or restrictive. It was known. It was safe. You invested decades of your life force into it. [00:19:26] Speaker C: So you have to acknowledge the loss of that person. [00:19:28] Speaker D: You have to grieve the person you were, even the parts you hated. It's a necessary, often painful step in that adjourning process. It's like closing a beloved, even if restrictive, book before you can open a new one. [00:19:41] Speaker C: But beyond those three difficult truths, disappointment, fear and grief, there is a far greater, profoundly liberating one. [00:19:49] Speaker D: Yes, and this one must be absorbed fully into your system. And it is the simple, radical truth that you are allowed to change. [00:19:57] Speaker C: That's it. [00:19:58] Speaker D: You are allowed to decide. The old story is finished. The old rules no longer apply. The new and begins right here, right now. Based purely on your current internal compass, that permission is the greatest gift you can possibly give yourself. [00:20:11] Speaker C: Okay, so if you're not always getting these dramatic breakdowns or clear signs, how do you know you're genuinely ready? Ready to move toward a journey and start a new, forming cycle? The book suggests we often miss the quiet invitations because we're waiting for some huge external catalyst. [00:20:27] Speaker D: Right. A lightning bolt. But the subtle signs are almost always internal. One of the most telling is a deep, persistent sense of restlessness or dissatisfaction. Even when you have what looks like overwhelming Outward success. [00:20:40] Speaker C: The success trap. [00:20:41] Speaker D: Exactly. You've hit all the metrics. Prestigious title, great salary, nice house, happy kids. But something deep inside is chronically unsatisfied. [00:20:49] Speaker C: And that feeling manifests as that quiet question that keeps you up at 3am Is this. [00:20:56] Speaker D: Is this all there is? [00:20:57] Speaker C: Is this really it for my life? [00:20:59] Speaker D: That question is so critical. And it's not about being ungrateful for what you have. It's an urgent call for purpose, beyond just accumulation or stability. You know there should be more meaning, more purpose, but you can't name it because you haven't given yourself permission to even look for it. [00:21:15] Speaker C: Another powerful indicator is that unsettling feeling that you're just acting out your life, not really living it. You're wearing this highly convincing costume that fits the role you were assigned. The corporate drone, the perfect parent, the constant helper. But internally, the actor has left the building. [00:21:33] Speaker D: You're performing a part you no longer believe in. And that creates this deep cognitive dissonance, a painful gap between your internal self and your external presentation. You're spending so much energy maintaining the illusion and it just leads to exhaustion and cynicism. [00:21:48] Speaker C: And you might also find yourself obsessively admiring, or maybe more accurately envying other people. The ones who seem to take bold steps, who embrace their passions, who just appear to live so freely. [00:21:59] Speaker D: Dunlop suggests that envy in this context isn't really jealousy of the person. [00:22:03] Speaker C: It's a mirror. [00:22:04] Speaker D: It is a profound mirror that envy is showing you exactly what you deeply yearn for. The ability to be authentic, to take risks, to follow a non linear path. It's a deep yearning you can't just logically explain away because it often contradicts the safe story you've built your life around. [00:22:21] Speaker C: And these signs, they're not confusion, they're not a midlife crisis. [00:22:25] Speaker D: They are the strongest possible invitations from your system, signaling that it is time to grow. [00:22:30] Speaker C: You know, before we move on. This feels like the perfect moment for everyone listening to just sit with that feeling. Don't judge the restlessness, don't try to fix it. Just pause, breathe, and ask yourself that essential radical. What is the version of me today, not five years ago, not the one everyone expects? What is this self craving? [00:22:50] Speaker D: Because reinvention is at its core an inner unfolding. It's not just a superficial change of scenery. You can change your job, you can move to a new city, get a new partner. But if you carry the same unresolved beliefs and patterns with you, the old story just rewrites itself in the new Location. [00:23:08] Speaker C: Exactly. And the source material provides three really concrete starting points for this deep inner work. It goes beyond just changing your environment and focuses on releasing the internal roles that just don't serve you anymore. [00:23:21] Speaker D: The first starting point is foundational. And it requires raw courage. You have to name what you're letting go. Call it. [00:23:28] Speaker C: Why is naming it so important? [00:23:30] Speaker D: Because the act of naming moves that old belief from some undefined internal fear into a concrete observable thing that you can then consciously choose to share. Shed. It's incredibly liberating. [00:23:41] Speaker C: So you have to be specific. It's not just I'm letting go of my past. [00:23:44] Speaker D: No, you have to write down the exact title, the specific limiting belief, the precise identity. The chapter gives some powerful examples. Like I am letting go of the belief that professional success has to look like a high rise office and a six figure salary. [00:23:59] Speaker C: Or I am letting go of the identity of being the family peacekeeper. Even if it causes temporary discomfort. [00:24:06] Speaker D: Yes. Naming that belief, bringing it into the light, is the first real step in the adjourning process. It allows you to finally release the story you've chosen to outgrow. If you don't name the ghost, it will just keep haunting your new beginning. [00:24:19] Speaker C: Okay, so the second critical step is equally challenging because it demands brutal honesty. [00:24:25] Speaker D: It does. It's get honest about what you want. Now this requires some intense self interrogation. You have to push past what looks good on paper or what everyone else wants from you. The only question that matters is what does the soul of the person I am today deeply crave? [00:24:39] Speaker C: And we so often define our wants based on past commitments or others expectations. [00:24:43] Speaker D: We do. This step forces you to tune in to your present needs. Do you want more peace? More creative solitude? More intellectual challenge? More connection? More freedom? These cravings have to be prioritized over what your 25 year old self wanted or what your neighbor will approve of. This honesty is the core material you need to get from storming into norming. [00:25:06] Speaker C: And the third step. This is where the new story really takes root. [00:25:10] Speaker D: This is it. Build a new identity with intention. You have to accept the profound truth that your identity is not some stone tablet. It's fluid. It's like water. You're the author. You have the authority to define who you are becoming regardless of who you were yesterday. [00:25:24] Speaker C: So how is this identity construction actually done? [00:25:27] Speaker D: Through intentional daily practice. It means consciously countering the negative self talk that your previous identity developed. So instead of passively accepting the thought I am disorganized and tired, you actively replace it with an intentional statement. I am someone who trusts their intuition, who values peace, and who moves through the day with intentional joy. [00:25:46] Speaker C: It's important to talk about the cognitive dissonance here, though. When you start saying, I am powerful, but your internal narrative is screaming, no, you're a failure. That clash is painful. [00:25:56] Speaker D: It is. But Dunlop asserts you have to keep repeating the intentional statement, that daily intentional repetition is the process. That's how the new story stabilizes. That's how the new identity takes root and the norming phase solidifies. You are literally retraining your brain to accept the new reality. You are building that inner work. That's the difference between a temporary life change and a permanent reinvention. You change the route and the fruit changes naturally. [00:26:24] Speaker C: Let's pivot to courage because it's the undeniable engine of all of this. When we think of courage, we often picture this grand, heroic loud leap. You know, the quit my job and move to Bali moment. [00:26:33] Speaker D: Right. [00:26:34] Speaker C: But the source material clarifies that true courage, the kind that sustains long term change, is rarely loud or spectacular. [00:26:41] Speaker D: It's quiet, it's steady, and it's intensely personal. Courage in reinvention is just the willingness to move forward even while you are afraid. [00:26:48] Speaker C: It's trying before you feel ready, speaking. [00:26:50] Speaker D: Your truth before you're certain of the outcome, beginning the journey before you have that full, paralyzing confidence. [00:26:58] Speaker C: So this quiet courage means facing the internal noise of the storming phase and just choosing to take one small aligned step anyway. [00:27:08] Speaker D: It's the decision to send that one email to ask for help, or to set that boundary, knowing full well that discomfort is going to follow immediately. [00:27:16] Speaker C: It's the decision to move through the. [00:27:18] Speaker D: Fear instead of waiting for the fear to go away. Courage doesn't magically erase fear. It just prioritizes the long term fulfillment of growth over the short term comfort of stagnation, that reprioritization, that's the act of courage itself. [00:27:32] Speaker C: And once you commit to this path of quiet courage, you find out very quickly that the old markers of success are just obsolete or even restrictive. Yeah, reinvention inherently demands that you change your definition of success. Because the old metrics, prestige, income, external approval, stability, they almost certainly won't resonate with your evolving self anymore. [00:27:51] Speaker D: And if your definition of success is still based on whether or not your mother or your former boss approves of your choices, you haven't truly reinvented anything yet. The process requires a shift from extrinsic validation to intrinsic satisfaction. [00:28:06] Speaker C: So what does success look like now? During and after true reinvention, the new. [00:28:12] Speaker D: Markers become deeply internal and alignment focused. [00:28:15] Speaker C: Like living in alignment with your true values. [00:28:18] Speaker D: Right. Meaning there's less of a gap between what you say you believe and how you actually spend your time. [00:28:23] Speaker C: And feeling genuinely proud of your choices, even if they make no sense to anyone else. [00:28:28] Speaker D: Yes. Also experiencing joy in the process itself, not just waiting for happiness to arrive at the finish line. [00:28:34] Speaker C: And maybe the most freeing of all, trusting your own timing, even if your timeline is drastically different from everyone else's. [00:28:41] Speaker D: And within this new framework, the whole concept of failure just dramatically shifts. [00:28:45] Speaker C: We're taught to see failure as this. [00:28:47] Speaker D: Definitive dead end, but here it's completely reframed. Failure is just feedback, redirection. It's redirection. It's proof that you dared to try something new, something outside the lines of your old story. If you try a new venture and it doesn't work out, that is not a judgment on your worth. [00:29:03] Speaker C: It's just data. [00:29:04] Speaker D: It's just data that informs your next, more refined attempt. [00:29:08] Speaker C: This is so liberating. It's captured in this core truth from the book. You can't fail at being authentic. You can only get better at it. [00:29:15] Speaker D: Think about that. If your goal is simply to show up as your genuine self and you try something that doesn't work out, the only thing that happened is you learned more about what works for your authentic self. [00:29:26] Speaker C: The stakes are removed from the external. [00:29:28] Speaker D: Outcome and placed squarely on the internal process of self discovery. If the underlying goal of this whole thing is authenticity and alignment, then every single attempt, successful or not, brings you one step closer to that goal. [00:29:42] Speaker C: Okay, let's crush the too late myth one last time with some concrete, powerful examples of what Dunlop calls the right timers. [00:29:49] Speaker D: I love this term. These are the historical figures who prove that impactful achievements often happen long after the world, or even they themselves might have expected. [00:29:57] Speaker C: And they show that past experience isn't baggage, it's assets. [00:30:02] Speaker D: Assets waiting to be redeployed. Look at Julia Child. She published her first cookbook, the monumental Mastering the Art of French Cooking, at the age of 50. [00:30:11] Speaker C: And her path wasn't linear. [00:30:13] Speaker D: Not at all. She spent decades in intelligence journalism, traveling. But she wasn't a beginner. At 50, she was a seasoned world traveler with high level organizational skills and an intense, focused curiosity. [00:30:26] Speaker C: All those previous skillsher personal roots made her ability to master and teach French cooking exponentially more effective. [00:30:33] Speaker D: Or consider Vera Wang. Before designing her first wedding gown, she was an accomplished figure skater and then a successful fashion editor at Vogue. [00:30:41] Speaker C: She didn't pivot to design until she was 40. [00:30:43] Speaker D: But her decades in the disciplined world of skating and her editorial eye for style gave her an instant, unparalleled advantage. She used her old knowledge to shape her new world. [00:30:53] Speaker C: And then there's the iconic Colonel Sanders. He founded KFC at the age of 65. [00:30:57] Speaker D: 65. [00:30:58] Speaker C: Far beyond traditional retirement age. But his years of experience running small cafes, perfecting his recipe, his specific approach to marketing. Yeah, it all meant that when he finally committed to the franchising model, he did so with the conviction of a man who had nothing left to lose and everything to gain. [00:31:18] Speaker D: And of course, the incredible Toni Morrison. She was 39 when she published her first novel, the Bluest Eye, and she. [00:31:25] Speaker C: Went on to win the Nobel Prize decades later. [00:31:27] Speaker D: She was already working, raising children, living a full, complex life when her literary career began. [00:31:33] Speaker C: So these weren't early bloomers. [00:31:35] Speaker D: They were right timers. Their time came when their accumulated clarity, experience, unique perspective, and their willingness to be bold finally aligned. [00:31:43] Speaker C: The message is clear. You don't have to be famous. You just have to trust that your time is now, regardless of what the calendar says. [00:31:50] Speaker D: Reinvention is thrilling in theory, but it can be profoundly lonely in practice. Especially during the emotional upheaval of the storming and adjourning phases. [00:31:57] Speaker C: Right when you change. Even the people who love you most, your family, your friends, they might resist. [00:32:02] Speaker D: Your new direction because they were invested in the older, more predictable version of you. It made them feel comfortable. [00:32:09] Speaker C: Which is why building intentional support systems is just. Yeah, it's absolutely crucial. You can't rely on the same people who are invested in your old self to cheerlead your new self. [00:32:18] Speaker D: Not if you're changed, threatens their comfort zone. You need boundaries and you need intentional support. [00:32:25] Speaker C: Like what? [00:32:26] Speaker D: First, you need coaches, therapists or mentors who can see your potential and focus only on your future self rather than your past. People who don't care where you came from, only where you're going. [00:32:37] Speaker C: Second, you need growth minded friends. [00:32:40] Speaker D: Yes, these are the people who genuinely celebrate your personal growth, even if it means you start stepping out of your collective comfort zone. They celebrate the difficult boundary you set, not just the successful outcome. They get that evolution means distance sometimes. [00:32:55] Speaker C: And this leads to maybe the most. [00:32:57] Speaker D: Important element, establishing clear boundaries. These boundaries have to specifically protect your new vision from the fear based advice of others. People will project their own limitations and regrets onto your bold moves. If someone's immediate response to your dream is fear, your boundary is to simply thank them for their concern. [00:33:18] Speaker C: And stop sharing the details with them. [00:33:20] Speaker D: And stop sharing the details. The essential takeaway here is that you are not required to convince anyone. Your job is not to justify your evolution. Your job is just to trust yourself enough to take the next aligned step. [00:33:32] Speaker C: And building on that trust, we have to emphasize that reinvention is not a single aha moment. It's not a total overhaul you do in a weekend. [00:33:40] Speaker D: That's the movie version. [00:33:41] Speaker C: The real version is far more mundane, but it's so much more powerful. It's a daily practice of becoming. It's built through small, consistent decisions that accumulate over time. [00:33:50] Speaker D: And this practice involves the active daily work of changing your internal dialogue. It's choosing to speak differently to yourself, replacing that harsh inner critic with compassionate self coaching. [00:34:01] Speaker C: It's catching yourself when you revert to the old script, acknowledging it, and intentionally rewriting the sentence. [00:34:07] Speaker D: It's the subtle, brave choice of saying yes to a new opportunity, a networking event, a creative challenge, when your old instinct would be to shrink back into the comfort zone. [00:34:16] Speaker C: And it is the brave act of walking away when something, a job, a habit, a toxic dynamic no longer authentically fits who you are becoming. [00:34:27] Speaker D: Even if walking away involves short term sacrifice, it is choosing alignment over approval in every minor transaction of your day. [00:34:35] Speaker C: This is how the new identity stabilizes. This is how you move from norming to performing. You become your future self in those small, repetitive, courageous decisions. [00:34:44] Speaker D: Reinvention is simply who you become when you stop pretending to be the person you were and you start allowing the person you are becoming to unfold step by tiny, intentional step. [00:34:55] Speaker C: As we bring this deep dive to a close, let's just acknowledge the one force that will continue to challenge you on this journey. [00:35:00] Speaker D: The highly persuasive inner skeptic. [00:35:02] Speaker C: That voice is probably whispering right now. [00:35:04] Speaker D: You're too old. [00:35:05] Speaker C: It's fundamentally too late. You missed your chance. Or the dreaded, most paralyzing question of all, what will people think? [00:35:13] Speaker D: Remember what we talked about. That voice isn't malicious. It isn't even accurate. It is a deeply wired protection mechanism. Its only job is to keep you safe and predictable. [00:35:25] Speaker C: But you deserve more than just safety. [00:35:27] Speaker D: You deserve fulfillment. You deserve purpose and the joy of genuine alignment. You can hear that fear, acknowledge its intention to protect you, and still resolutely choose growth. [00:35:38] Speaker C: And here's a powerful truth to carry with you from the source material. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress on this journey, you are still leagues ahead of everyone who isn't even trying. [00:35:49] Speaker D: The fundamental act of daring the choice to even start the forming phase that is the victory itself. [00:35:55] Speaker C: Let's end with the beautiful tree metaphor that Dunlop uses. It's a powerful reminder of continuous, resilient growth. No matter your age, stand tall and proud, go out on a limb, remember your deep roots, and most importantly, keep growing upward perpetually. [00:36:09] Speaker D: We encourage you to reflect deeply in the quiet time after this discussion on the core questions that drove this entire chapter. [00:36:15] Speaker C: Who are you becoming? [00:36:17] Speaker D: Why are you here right now? [00:36:18] Speaker C: What do you truly, deeply want for this next chapter of your story? [00:36:23] Speaker D: These three questions are the navigational stars for your next evolution. The courage to reinvent isn't some spectacular one day discovery. It's found in the quiet, resolute decision to no longer abandon yourself for the comfort of the past. [00:36:37] Speaker C: Your story is still being written and you get to change the plot, the pace and the ending anytime you choose. [00:36:43] Speaker D: You've got this. [00:36:44] Speaker C: We'll see you next time on the Deep Dive. [00:36:47] Speaker B: This was the last episode of the Other your podcast, inspired by my book Rewrite youe Story. For those who this podcast spoke to and are still feeling doubt, it's okay. Reflect on the conscious, competent model and your learning style. Maybe you'll need to listen to these episodes again. The first time I often use to reflect and then listen again to respond. Do not pressure yourself even listening to this. You have put the W in the grow model. This is one step that needs to be acknowledged and celebrated because there is someone who truly believes in you. So I want to pause for a moment and acknowledge something important you have already begun. The very act of listening, reflecting and questioning is proof that reinvention is alive within you. It doesn't matter how many detours you've taken or how long you've stayed in chapters that no longer serve you. What matters is that you are here now, standing at the threshold of your next becoming. Reinvention is not loud. It does not always arrive with fireworks or dramatic announcements. Sometimes it begins quietly as a whisper, a pull, a growing restlessness that invites you to step into a deeper truth. You don't need permission. You don't need perfect timing. You don't need to know every step before you take the first one. You simply need courage. Encourage. My friend is already inside you. You are not too old, too late, too far behind, too uncertain, or too anything. You are exactly where your story needs you to be. Your past versions carried you here and now it is time to honor them and gracefully let go of what no longer fits. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to grow, you are allowed to want more. So see the other your podcast as your call to action. I'm Jeanette Dunlop and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has been linked to my story and for you, the listener, for believing in who you are, why you are here, and for following what you truly want. All the very best in your challenges, opportunities and learnings that are ready and waiting for you. Until next time, keep writing and keep. [00:39:36] Speaker A: Becoming My burdens fall away like feathers I have wings I am no longer bound I am the ally sore I rise I'm f found. There's a door ahead glowing but unknown Ready for my next step I walk into a world that aligns with me with each step I change life for pours right through me My burdens fall away like feathers I have wings I am no longer bound I am the owl I soar I rise unbound and for the first time I am free.