Lifelong Growth

[00:00:05] Speaker A: In the quiet of the shadowed heart a whisper stirs the dark I lingered in the night beneath the veil of doubt each breath the silent question lost in echoes round. [00:00:31] Speaker B: We are all storytellers and lessons learned from part one and part two is that we can add to the narrative of our lives that aligns with who we are, why we are here, and what we truly want. I am Jeanette Dunlop, author of Rewrite youe Story and my book of Mantras. Welcome back to another Nettie collection, part three of the other you podcast, where stories transform, voices rise and possibilities unfold. Let's explore further the powerful turning point in this journey, the shift from healing to releasing. Continuously stepping into the next chapter of your life. The new story, the intentional, self directed version of you who is becoming. With the continued support of your hosts, Ben Jenkins and Sarah Michaels, Part 3 invites you to build a strong, enduring blueprint for lifelong growth and reinvention. So take a breath, open your heart, and step into a conversation designed to visualize a life that reflects who you choose to be. It's the start of your extraordinary next chapter. [00:01:51] Speaker C: Welcome to the Deep Dive. We've gathered a really rich stack of sources for you today. Articles, some expert research, and a few practical blueprints. And our job is to distill the absolute gold from them. [00:02:04] Speaker A: And today's topic, it's a big one. It's deeply personal, but also, I think, universally challenging for pretty much everyone. [00:02:12] Speaker C: It really is. We're exploring lifelong growth and more specifically, what it actually means to stay true to your new identity. [00:02:21] Speaker A: It's a compelling stack of material. I mean, we're looking at sources that don't just, you know, talk about mindset shifts in the abstract. They actually provide tangible tools. [00:02:30] Speaker C: Tools for what exactly? [00:02:31] Speaker A: Well, for managing the really practical side of transformation. Things like time management, setting real boundaries, and conquering those internal conflicts that, you know, they always pop up when you try to step outside your comfort zone. [00:02:43] Speaker C: Okay, so our mission for this Deep Dive is sort of twofold goal then. First, we need to establish that growth isn't a single event. It's not a finish line you cross. [00:02:52] Speaker A: Right. It's a continuous commitment. It's a direction, not a destination. That's a key theme. [00:02:57] Speaker C: And second, we want to arm you with the specific practical strategies from this material, the things you can use for maintaining that alignment with your new self day after demanding day. [00:03:07] Speaker A: And I think we should just acknowledge right at the top that if you're taking the time to even listen to this, you're already demonstrating the crucial Starting point of that journey. [00:03:16] Speaker C: That's a great point. [00:03:17] Speaker A: The sources really emphasize this true growth is built entirely on aligning your daily decisions, your boundaries, your core beliefs, and your habits with the new story you've chosen to live. [00:03:30] Speaker C: So just engaging is a step. [00:03:32] Speaker A: It absolutely is. Even the simple act of reflection, of listening, it puts the W, the will, or the weigh in that classic coaching model, the GRW model. [00:03:42] Speaker C: That's a great piece of context for listeners who might not be familiar with that framework. Can you just, you know, quickly explain what the Giro's model stands for? Feels pretty fundamental here. [00:03:50] Speaker A: Of course. Yeah. The JIRA model is a simple but, honestly, a really powerful structure for problem solving and goal setting. It stands for G for goal. So where you want to go, R is for reality. So, you know, getting an honest look at where you are now. [00:04:04] Speaker C: Starting point. [00:04:05] Speaker A: Exactly. Then O is for options, exploring all ways you could get there. And finally, W is for will or way. That's the commitment to action, the intrinsic motivation to actually do the work. [00:04:17] Speaker C: So by tuning into this deep dive, you've sort of solidified that W. You have. [00:04:22] Speaker A: You've made a commitment to finding the way, which is honestly where most people get stuck. So, yeah, congratulations on just showing up for the work. [00:04:30] Speaker C: Okay, let's unpack this. We're starting with what I found to be maybe the most foundational piece of insight in all this material. It's this profound duality that really defines the entire emotional and practical battlefield of transformation. [00:04:47] Speaker A: It's a fantastic starting point. [00:04:48] Speaker C: It's a list that shows us exactly what kills growth. And then it does something brilliant. It flips the script to show the opposing positive force you have to actively choose. [00:04:57] Speaker A: It's an absolutely essential framework because it defines that continuous internal conflict. It's not just about, you know, avoiding bad things. It's about recognizing that growth is proactive. It's often destructive to your old, comfortable pattern. [00:05:10] Speaker C: Yes, exactly. So the material lists six of these negative forces, these internal blockages, right? These psychological states that actively sabotage your progress. So first up, laziness kills ambition. Then anger kills wisdom. Fear kills dreams. Ego kills growth, jealousy kills peace. [00:05:30] Speaker A: And the last one's a big one. [00:05:31] Speaker C: And the final one, doubt, kills confidence. And when I read that list, I mean, I feel the weight of those forces. They feel like these inevitable parts of just being human. How does the material suggest we actually fight something as pervasive as, say, fear or doubt? [00:05:46] Speaker A: And that's where the analysis of the flip side comes in. That's the genius of it. The power isn't just in recognizing the destructive nature of those negative states. [00:05:54] Speaker C: It's in the action. [00:05:55] Speaker A: It's in analyzing the conscious choice of the opposing force. The sources are really explicit here. They tell us that lifelong growth requires choosing the direction that destroys the negative. [00:06:04] Speaker C: And this is where it gets really interesting for me, because when you reverse that dynamic, you realize that true growth is, well, it's an act of destruction against the negative state. [00:06:14] Speaker A: It's a zero sum game inside your own mind. Let's analyze that flip, because this is where, you know, the behavioral science really meets the philosophy of it all. [00:06:22] Speaker C: Okay, let's go. [00:06:23] Speaker A: So first up, ambition kills laziness. We really need to define why that is. Laziness isn't just, you know, inertia or being tired. It's often a defensive mechanism, a defense against. Against failure, against effort that might not pay off. It's a lack of a perceived reward or this overwhelming feeling that the effort isn't worth the outcome. Okay, but ambition. Ambition is a projected future state that is so desirable, so powerful, that the immediate comfort of laziness becomes less rewarding than the discomfort of taking action. [00:06:57] Speaker C: So ambition provides the energy. [00:06:59] Speaker A: It provides the structural energy needed to overcome that inertia. It's a higher grade fuel source. [00:07:04] Speaker C: So it's not just that I need to want to be less lazy, it's that I have to actively cultivate a goal, an ambition that's so compelling that it makes the comfort of the couch actively less appealing than the discomfort of the gym or, you know, sitting down to write. [00:07:20] Speaker A: That is exactly it. It's an energy exchange. You're choosing the better fuel. [00:07:24] Speaker C: Okay, what's next? [00:07:25] Speaker A: Second, wisdom kills anger. Anger is fundamentally a momentary lapse of foresight. It's a reaction to the immediate present without considering the long term emotional or relational cost. [00:07:38] Speaker C: A short term reaction with long term consequences. [00:07:41] Speaker A: Precisely. Wisdom, on the other hand, is long term perspective. It's the ability to see the consequence of the reaction before you execute it. When you cultivate wisdom, which is often just emotional regulation and delayed gratification, the space for impulsive anger just shrinks. [00:07:55] Speaker C: That makes perfect sense. Wisdom is that little voice that knows that burning a bridge in a moment of fury is going to cost you six months of regret down the line. [00:08:02] Speaker A: And wisdom helps you listen to that voice. [00:08:04] Speaker C: Okay, the third one is a big one for me. Dreams kill fear. [00:08:07] Speaker A: This one is maybe the most profound. Fear is always rooted in the immediate. It's about the perceived risk in the very next step you have to take. [00:08:16] Speaker C: Right. The thing Right in front of you. [00:08:17] Speaker A: But when the future you desire, the dream is bigger and brighter and more emotionally necessary than the risk you see right in front of you, fear shrinks back. You're not eliminating the fear, you're just overriding it. You're overriding it with a more powerful, more motivating vision. [00:08:35] Speaker C: I often find that fear is just the loudest voice in the room. Does the material give any insight into how to make that dream's voice louder than the. You know, the screeching anxiety? [00:08:46] Speaker A: It does, and it ties back to some of the integration practices we'll get into later. But the immediate insight is repetition. You have to continuously visualize and reinforce the feeling of the dream being realized. [00:08:57] Speaker C: The feeling of it? [00:08:57] Speaker A: Yes. If you only focus on the step right in front of you, fear wins every time. But if you focus on the destination, the sheer magnitude of the dream makes the steps necessary, even if they're uncomfortable. [00:09:09] Speaker C: Got it. Okay. Number four. Growth kills ego. [00:09:14] Speaker A: The ego. The ego is that part of us that needs to be right. It needs to feel superior. It needs external validation of our current state. [00:09:24] Speaker C: It wants to be seen as perfect now. [00:09:26] Speaker A: Exactly. But when you are focused on learning, on expansion, on continuous improvement, which is growth, you must inherently be willing to be wrong. You have to admit mistakes and operate from a posture of humility. So they're incompatible, Fundamentally incompatible. The need to know it all has to recede when you commit to learning it all. [00:09:46] Speaker C: So if I find myself getting defensive at a conversation or, you know, feeling that need to prove myself, that's a clear signal that the ego state is active. It's a trigger, and I need to pivot back to a growth state and say, okay, what can I learn here? [00:10:01] Speaker A: It's a direct conflict, and you have to choose which one you're feeding. [00:10:03] Speaker C: Okay, what's the fifth one? [00:10:04] Speaker A: Fifth, peace kills jealousy. Peace means being content with the present reality that you have intentionally created for yourself. Jealousy, on the other hand, requires comparing your present reality to someone else's highlight reel on social media or wherever. When you root yourself in self sovereignty and alignment, which is the essence of peace, that external comparison just loses its grip. [00:10:29] Speaker C: So peace is an internal state of Enough. [00:10:32] Speaker A: It's an inner state of sufficiency. And jealousy is an outer state of perceived lack. They can't coexist. [00:10:38] Speaker C: And the final one? Doubt and confidence. [00:10:41] Speaker A: And finally, confidence kills doubt. Doubt is just a theoretical fear of failure. It's a story you tell yourself about potential shortcomings. [00:10:50] Speaker C: A story. [00:10:50] Speaker A: A story. Confidence, however, is simply collected practical evidence. Of your capability. You don't think your way out of doubt, you have to act your way out of it. [00:10:58] Speaker C: So it's about taking action, no matter how small. [00:11:00] Speaker A: Every small win, every boundary you set, every commitment you keep to yourself, it's a piece of evidence. And that evidence, when you build it consistently, fundamentally makes that theoretical fear of doubt impossible to sustain. [00:11:12] Speaker C: So what this whole framework establishes is that lifelong growth is inherently choice based. It's not passive, not at all. It requires actively choosing the opposing positive force, like wisdom or ambition or confidence to actively defeat and dismantle that negative state. It's an ongoing conscious campaign. [00:11:30] Speaker A: It's a critical realization. You aren't just passively waiting for inspiration to strike, you are proactively choosing the higher self's response. And that choice forces the old state to dissolve. [00:11:43] Speaker C: That structural framework brings us perfectly to the core of personal transformation, which the sources break down into three essential stages or pillars. [00:11:51] Speaker A: Yes, awareness, redefinition and integration. [00:11:54] Speaker C: This is really the roadmap for how you actually execute that choice based campaign we were just talking about. [00:11:59] Speaker A: This is the phased approach. It's how we move from the insight of that duality into the day to day practice of actually changing who we are. [00:12:06] Speaker C: Okay, let's start with phase A, then awakening. Recognizing the old narrative, the starting point for every single journey of growth is, well, it's unequivocally awareness. [00:12:17] Speaker A: Awareness is like turning on the lights in a room you've been living in your whole life. It reveals the foundation you've been standing on. And for many of us, the sources point out, we've been living not from alignment, but in this constant low level state of emotional or psychological survival mode. [00:12:34] Speaker C: And we need to look really closely at what that survival mode actually looks like in daily life. It's not always dramatic. [00:12:40] Speaker A: No, it's subtle. [00:12:41] Speaker C: It manifests as reacting to life rather than designing it. It's, you know, chronic people pleasing, performing. [00:12:48] Speaker A: For validation, always trying to earn approval. [00:12:50] Speaker C: Yeah, proving our worth by overworking or just playing small, because that felt safe at some point and it reduced potential criticism. [00:12:58] Speaker A: This is the old narrative, and where does it even come from? The material highlights these deep entrenched roots. We're talking inherited beliefs from family, limiting cultural expectations, unresolved childhood wounds. [00:13:11] Speaker C: And those insidious stories we've been repeating to ourselves for years. [00:13:15] Speaker A: Exactly. Those stories like I'm not good enough or I'm too much, or I must always put others first. [00:13:20] Speaker C: The insidious thing about these stories is that they often feel protective, don't they? The people pleaser believes they're ensuring they'll. [00:13:27] Speaker A: Be loved, and the performer believes they're guaranteeing success. [00:13:30] Speaker C: But the key realization, the awakening, is recognizing that the narrative you've been living is not aligned with who you are becoming. It's a life built entirely on defense. [00:13:41] Speaker A: And that recognition is the first, most courageous act of growth. Just acknowledging that the old story, the script that protected you in the past from abandonment or failure, is now actively limiting your capacity for joy and for truth and for genuine connection. [00:13:57] Speaker C: It's that moment you realize, wow, I have been defining my entire worth through other people's approval. And that approval is a really unstable foundation to build a life on. [00:14:06] Speaker A: This is the phase of necessary discomfort. It's hard to look at that old foundation and admit that the very story that kept you safe is the same one preventing you from thriving. [00:14:15] Speaker C: You have to confront the evidence. Right? You have to ask, am I reacting to perceived threat, which is survival, or am I acting from aligned intention, which is growth? [00:14:24] Speaker A: That's the question. [00:14:25] Speaker C: So once we achieve that clear and sometimes painful awareness, we can move into phase B, redefining identity. Who are you becoming? [00:14:34] Speaker A: And the profound insight here is so crucial. Identity is not static. We so often confuse our identity with our history. [00:14:42] Speaker C: That's a great distinction. [00:14:43] Speaker A: Identity is not set in stone based on your past actions. It's fluid. It is shaped moment by moment by the beliefs we choose, the standards we set for ourselves, and the repeated actions we take today. [00:14:55] Speaker C: So if identity is a choice, then the sources guide us to actively steer that choice by asking some really empowering questions. And these questions force you out of that reality stage of the Drew model and into goal and options. [00:15:08] Speaker A: They're designed to do exactly that. [00:15:09] Speaker C: Okay, the first question, who am I becoming? And I love the phrasing. It's not who should I be? Which implies an external expectation. [00:15:16] Speaker A: Right. Or who am I now? Which anchors you to the past. [00:15:20] Speaker C: Exactly. It's who is the person emerging from this process? It forces you to visualize forward. [00:15:24] Speaker A: The second question builds on that. What does my future self believe about life, love, and success? This is such a clever way to bypass your current limitations. All the doubt, all the fear. It forces you to adopt the mindset of the person you aspire to be. [00:15:38] Speaker C: So if my future self is a confident speaker, then she must believe her voice matters. [00:15:43] Speaker A: Exactly. If your future self is financially free, she believes abundance is possible. You adopt the belief first before you have the evidence. [00:15:51] Speaker C: Okay, and the third one? This is where, like you said, the rubber meets the road. Emotionally what do I need to let go of to step fully into that version of me? [00:16:01] Speaker A: That last question defines the painful necessity of growth. Staying true to your new identity means giving yourself radical permission to evolve. And that absolutely includes a process of grieving. You have to grieve the parts of the old story. [00:16:14] Speaker C: What parts are we talking about? [00:16:15] Speaker A: Their relationships, the roles, the behaviors, the things that kept you safe but also kept you small. [00:16:20] Speaker C: Can we spend a moment on that grieving process? Because I think for a lot of people, when they start setting boundaries or changing their habits, they feel this intense guilt or sadness. And that can feel like a sign that they're doing something wrong. [00:16:34] Speaker A: That feeling is so real, and it's a necessary part of the process. It's not a sign you're on the wrong track. You are mourning the loss of the predictable structure, the old self provided. You're mourning the relationships that might have been built on the old you, the people pleaser, the performer. And you're realizing those relationships may not survive the new you, the sovereign boundary setting you. [00:16:59] Speaker C: So you're allowed to outgrow things. [00:17:00] Speaker A: You are allowed to outgrow fear, rooted relationships, and past versions of yourself. Growing growth is not betrayal, it's alignment, but that emotional friction, that grief. It has to be acknowledged. Otherwise it will absolutely pull you back into what's comfortable. [00:17:13] Speaker C: It's like the old self is throwing a tantrum because it's losing its job. [00:17:17] Speaker A: That's a perfect way to put it. The old self says, this is too painful. Let's go back to the familiar discomfort. But the new self has to recognize this pain is the cost of my freedom. The material really stresses that navigating this grief requires self compassion. [00:17:32] Speaker C: So you have to be kind to yourself through that dismantling process. [00:17:35] Speaker A: Absolutely. The dismantling of the old is essential for the construction of the new. [00:17:39] Speaker C: Okay, so that leads us to the final pillar. And this feels like the bridge that determines whether any of this insight actually sticks. We're in segment three, integration. The bridge from insight to embodiment. [00:17:52] Speaker A: Integration is the true test of transformation. It's where all your beautiful insights and your carefully redefined identity meet the messy, demanding reality of daily life. [00:18:02] Speaker C: Right. [00:18:02] Speaker A: It is the space between simply having the insight, saying, I am confident person, and actually embodying it. You know, acting confidently when you're challenged. [00:18:11] Speaker C: So how is this phase characterized by commitment? [00:18:13] Speaker A: Commitment through consistent aligned habits, conscious boundaries, and those crucial daily self checks. [00:18:19] Speaker C: And the power of this segment is really captured in one phrase. For me, integration is about consistency, not perfection. [00:18:26] Speaker A: That Phrase is a safety net. Perfection is a concept rooted in the ego. And we already know ego kills growth. It's paralyzing. [00:18:35] Speaker C: But consistency is different. [00:18:36] Speaker A: Consistency is a daily practice. It's an ongoing commitment to just showing up. And when your actions consistently reflect your stated growth, when you embody your values, your confidence rises naturally. [00:18:49] Speaker C: Ah, so you replace the need for external validation or with inner alignment. [00:18:53] Speaker A: Exactly. And that becomes your unshakable source of power. [00:18:57] Speaker C: Okay, so to achieve that consistency, the source material details some specific practical practices. These aren't just suggestions. They're daily identity reinforcement tools. Let's go through them. [00:19:08] Speaker A: Let's do it. [00:19:08] Speaker C: First up, morning rituals. Connecting to values. Why is the morning so crucial? [00:19:13] Speaker A: The sources stress that the first hour of your day sets the emotional and intentional trajectory for the entire day. If you grab your phone immediately, you start the day in a reactive state. State? [00:19:23] Speaker C: You're prioritizing everyone else's emergencies. [00:19:25] Speaker A: Exactly. Everyone else's urgency. A morning ritual, whether it's quiet meditation or movement or journaling, ensures you start rooted in your own values and your own agenda. You're prioritizing the important tasks of your new identity. [00:19:41] Speaker C: Okay. Second, daily affirmations reflecting new beliefs. Now this can sound a little simple. How do we make sure affirmations aren't just empty words? [00:19:49] Speaker A: They have to be rooted in that future identity you define. They shouldn't be. These aspirational wishes, like I wish I was confident. They have to be declarative statements of your present identity. [00:19:59] Speaker C: Like what? [00:20:00] Speaker A: I am a confident speaker who honors her truth. You're actively rewriting the internal tape. You're stating who you are now and who you're becoming. You're casting a continuous vote for the new self. [00:20:11] Speaker C: Okay. Number three. Journaling. To process the gap between the past and present self. This provides that crucial reflective space. [00:20:19] Speaker A: Journaling is where you celebrate the distance you've traveled. It's where you observe without judgment. When you slipped into the old narrative, you know the people pleasing. And when you successfully chose the new path of setting a boundary, it builds that self awareness. It does. And it prevents the illusion that change is instant. It also lets you process the grief and fear we talked about earlier. [00:20:39] Speaker C: Okay. Fourth is vision boards to keep the news story visible. This is a physical, tangible commitment. [00:20:46] Speaker A: Remember how we said the dream kills fear? Well, the vision board keeps the dream alive. The new identity is abstract until you make it visible. This keeps your future self front of mind, preventing you from drifting when the chaos of daily life hits. It's a non negotiable Anchor and finally. [00:21:04] Speaker C: Mindful reflection for checking intentions. [00:21:06] Speaker A: This is the essential daily self check before a difficult conversation or a big decision. The sources recommend just pausing and asking, what is my intention here? Is it to prove myself, or is it to communicate my truth and my value? [00:21:20] Speaker C: And that simple pause prevents you from reverting to survival mode. [00:21:23] Speaker A: It forces you to select the empowered choice. [00:21:25] Speaker C: If you look at those five practices, they aren't really about achieving a goal, are they? They're about consistently reinforcing the identity of the person who achieves the goal. [00:21:34] Speaker A: That is the essence of integration. The actions are simply proof of the. [00:21:39] Speaker C: Identity, which moves us into segment four. This feels like the realistic check in triggers, setbacks and becoming your own evidence. The source material is very clear about this. The triggers will come and they can feel devastating when they do. [00:21:53] Speaker A: They will. They're unavoidable. When you change, you challenge the relational systems and emotional patterns you've built over decades. Old wounds resurface. Situations will come up that tempt you to shrink back into the old version of yourself. [00:22:06] Speaker C: Like lashing out or people pleasing or. [00:22:08] Speaker A: Succumbing to imposter syndrome. All of it. [00:22:11] Speaker C: But the powerful reframe here is crucial. The material says triggers are not setbacks. They are signals. [00:22:17] Speaker A: That's it. They are moments of exposure. They show you precisely where healing is still unfolding. Instead of seeing it as a failure, you have to see it as the system highlighting a necessary area for more integration. [00:22:28] Speaker C: So the strategy then is to use these moments not for self shame, but to actively reinforce the new identity. [00:22:35] Speaker A: Right. And the material gives us a powerful intervention question for when you feel tempted to regress. When that impulse to revert back hits, you have to ask yourself, what would the empowered version of me do? [00:22:48] Speaker C: Okay, I want to push back on that question just a little. What happens when you're so triggered? Let's say someone has criticized you and you feel that old shame or anger that the empowered version feels totally inaccessible. You genuinely don't know what that higher self would do because you're just consumed by the emotional response. [00:23:08] Speaker A: That's a critical moment and a great question. The material addresses it by differentiating between knowing and doing. In that moment of a deep trigger, the empowered version of you does the simplest thing possible, which in they pause. They don't try to solve the conflict or find the perfect eloquent response. The empowered version acknowledges the emotional heat and just says, I need a five minute break or I need to process this before I respond. [00:23:31] Speaker C: Ah. So the first act of the empowered self is to create space. [00:23:35] Speaker A: Often, yes. It's creating space, not finding the perfect. [00:23:38] Speaker C: Dialogue that makes the question actionable even in a crisis. The intervention isn't intellectual, it's physical. Create space and halt the old reaction. [00:23:48] Speaker A: Exactly. It reminds you that you are not your past reaction. You are your present choice. And the first choice is always to pause every time you choose that empowered response. Even if that choice is just silence. You're building the foundation of this segment. [00:24:02] Speaker C: Which is belief reinforcement. Becoming your own evidence. [00:24:06] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:06] Speaker C: Collecting proof that the new version of you is real is one of the most powerful tools in lifelong growth. We don't change by just reading self help books. We change by accumulating experience that contradicts our old limiting beliefs. [00:24:19] Speaker A: You have to build a case for the new identity, almost like a lawyer builds a case in court. What's the evidence? You have to reflect on moments of alignment. [00:24:27] Speaker C: Like what? Give me some examples. [00:24:28] Speaker A: Okay. Think about a conversation where you spoke your truth. Instead of shrinking, think about a boundary you set that felt scary but necessary. Think about an opportunity you accepted when the old self would have screamed, I'm not ready. [00:24:40] Speaker C: This momentum effect is so important. Every aligned action is like casting a vote for the person you are becoming. [00:24:46] Speaker A: It is. And if you cast a hundred votes for confidence and one vote for doubt, the weight of the evidence is overwhelmingly in favor of confidence. The sheer weight of that evidence starts to shift your entire internal system. [00:24:59] Speaker C: And this is where the nervous system physically adapts, right? [00:25:01] Speaker A: Yes. That's what the science shows. What once felt awkward or unfamiliar or forced, like setting that boundary, eventually becomes natural. It becomes effortless. It becomes simply who you are. [00:25:13] Speaker C: So the sources emphasized the need to document this shift, to write down your I used to, now I statements. [00:25:21] Speaker A: It's so powerful. For example, I used to fear confrontation. Now I communicate clearly. Or I used to meet my partner's approval for major decisions. Now I trust my inner knowing. [00:25:30] Speaker C: I used to feel guilty saying no to invitations. Now I honor my time. [00:25:34] Speaker A: That shift, that specific shift from the past limiting belief to the present empowered standard. That is the sound of identity success. That is the proof that integration is happening. [00:25:44] Speaker C: Building on that internal evidence, segment five shifts our focus to the critical role of the external environment in either supporting or sabotaging your growth. You can't be a new identity in an old environment. [00:25:56] Speaker A: This is one of the most overlooked aspects of transformation. Staying true to your story isn't just about the internal work. You have to curate the world around you. [00:26:04] Speaker C: What do you mean by that? [00:26:05] Speaker A: The people you surround yourself with, the Spaces you occupy, the energy you consume, or all of it, is either feeding your old story or it's nourishing the new identity. [00:26:15] Speaker C: The sources provide three essential check in questions about your environment that force some radical honesty. [00:26:21] Speaker A: They do. [00:26:21] Speaker C: First, do my relationships support or sabotage my growth? This requires asking if the people in your life are cheering for your evolution or if they're subtly critiquing your expansion. [00:26:32] Speaker A: Second, is my environment a reflection of the life I'm building? I mean, does your physical space, your home, your office, your car, does it mirror the intentions you hold? Clutter, for instance, often reflects mental clutter. [00:26:44] Speaker C: It prevents clear thinking. It sabotages that intentionality of the new self. And the third one? Are my conversations expanding or limiting me? Are they rooted in possibility and solutions and dreams? Or are they rooted in shared complaint, gossip and fear? [00:27:00] Speaker A: The core concept here is sovereignty. You are allowed to shift your circle. You are allowed to create boundaries that might feel selfish to others but are necessary for you. You are allowed to say yes only to the spaces that mirror the version of you you're becoming. [00:27:15] Speaker C: And the material is clear. This doesn't make you selfish, it makes you sovereign. [00:27:20] Speaker A: And that quote on environmental change just sums it up perfectly. If you can't change your environment, change your environment. This isn't just about moving houses. It's about making radical shifts in your. [00:27:30] Speaker C: Relational ecology, like saying goodbye to limiting. [00:27:32] Speaker A: Friendships or clearing out toxic digital spaces and creating physical structures that honor your new standards. [00:27:38] Speaker C: And this emphasis on the external environment connects perfectly to the internal barrier that prevents us from making those sovereign choices. [00:27:45] Speaker A: The excuse barrier. [00:27:47] Speaker C: Exactly. And to dismantle this, the material references the work of Dr. Wayne W. Dwyer. [00:27:52] Speaker A: Yes. Dr. Dwyer is central to the history of motivational self help. His work emphasized the profound connection between our thoughts, our intention, and our reality. He famously said, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. [00:28:07] Speaker C: His core principles are so foundational to this whole discussion. You are not your circumstances. You choose your response. [00:28:13] Speaker A: That's radical accountability right there. He also championed the power of intention, the idea that your thoughts create your reality, and the importance of living from your higher self, which aligns perfectly with our concept of the new identity. [00:28:25] Speaker C: The specific book referenced excuses be gone. It zeroes in on how to change those lifelong self defeating thinking patterns that actively prevents success. [00:28:35] Speaker A: It focuses on identifying the common categories of excuses. People use everything from I'm not smart enough to, it's too late for me now. [00:28:42] Speaker C: The implication is that these excuses aren't facts, they're just entrenched habits of thought maintained by fear. They are how we stay safely small. [00:28:51] Speaker A: And this forces us to question, do we use our excuses regularly without ever challenging the truth of those thinking habits? Dwyer's methodology involves identifying the excuse, understanding the payoff. [00:29:03] Speaker C: The payoff, yes. [00:29:05] Speaker A: For example, the payoff for I don't have time is not having to risk failure. And then you replace it with a new empowering belief. [00:29:13] Speaker C: Which brings us back to that core affirmation on this topic. [00:29:16] Speaker A: If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse. [00:29:21] Speaker C: The implication of that is massive when you eliminate excuses. And this includes the excuses in the form of external blame. Where you assign responsibility for your shortcomings to other people or to circumstances, you awaken to infinite possibilities. [00:29:35] Speaker A: Removing excuses requires examining those entrenched thinking habits in a new and truthful light. Blame is the most comfortable form of excuse because it absolves you of all responsibility. But the material delivers the punchline on blame. You will never become who you want to be if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are now. Growth happens outside your comfort zone. And that comfort zone is often maintained by a steady stream of rationalized excuses and external blame. [00:30:02] Speaker C: That concept of radical accountability in choosing your response is the perfect pivot point. Once we commit to the new identity and start to eliminate that excuse barrier, the next critical battle is managing our. [00:30:14] Speaker A: Resources, our time and our attention, which. [00:30:17] Speaker C: Are so often stolen by non important tasks. When you're actively trying to integrate a new identity built on intention and consistency, those distractions aren't just annoying, they're identity sabotagers. [00:30:28] Speaker A: They're excuses disguised as busyness or urgency. They keep you from the really important tasks that actually lead to transformation. [00:30:36] Speaker C: So to combat that, we introduce the Eisenhower matrix. This is a simple but profoundly effective decision making tool. It helps you organize your tasks by sorting them into four categories and based on urgency and importance. [00:30:48] Speaker A: It's a visual representation of prioritizing with confidence. It ensures you spend your limited energy on what matters most for the new you. Let's walk through the four quadrants, focusing on their personal application as defined in the source material. [00:31:03] Speaker C: Yeah, let's link them directly to identity maintenance. So quadrant one, do first. Urgent plus important. These are the genuine crises and essential time sensitive commitments. [00:31:14] Speaker A: Right. For the person committed to a new identity, this includes tasks impacting your immediate well being or critical goals. Examples would be resolving an overdue conflict that's draining your emotional energy, or submitting. [00:31:28] Speaker C: A time sensitive income generating proposal, or. [00:31:30] Speaker A: Immediately attending a Medical appointment. These are the fires you have to put out now because they threaten your immediate stability and well being. [00:31:36] Speaker C: Okay, Quadrant two Schedule not urgent plus important. This is what the material calls the identity quadrant. [00:31:43] Speaker A: It is. These are the long term meaningful tasks that shape your personal growth, your health, your career and your happiness. They are so easy to postpone because they don't scream for your attention, but. [00:31:54] Speaker C: They'Re the foundational activities of the person you're becoming. [00:31:57] Speaker A: Exactly. Let's use a concrete example. Say your new identity is becoming an author. The Q2 tasks. Planning your week's writing schedule, exercising to maintain your energy, or researching a new career path. You should spend 80% of your intentional time here. [00:32:13] Speaker C: And critically, that means saying no to other tasks that pop up. [00:32:17] Speaker A: It absolutely does. Which brings us to quadrant three. Delicate urgent plus not important. These tasks matter and they need to be done quickly. But they don't specifically require you, the person committed to that Q2 growth. [00:32:31] Speaker C: These are often administrative requests, interruptions, routine chores. [00:32:34] Speaker A: Right? If your new identity requires deep focus, then these Q3 tasks have to be minimized. This could mean outsourcing grocery delivery, automating bill payments, or asking a team member to draft a routine email. The key lesson here is that being busy on Q3 tasks doesn't equal being productive toward your life goals. [00:32:52] Speaker C: And finally, quadrant four. Delete not urgent plus not important. These are the tasks that add little to no value and just clutter your time and attention. This is where the distractions live. [00:33:03] Speaker A: Examples include mindless social media scrolling, running unnecessary errands out of habit, or most importantly in this context, saying those guilty yeses. The commitments you take on because you fear rejection, not because they serve your intention. Deleting these tasks is the fastest way to free UP Energy for Q2. [00:33:22] Speaker C: And this is the deeper truth of the matrix, isn't it? It is a personal boundary setting tool disguised as a planning method. [00:33:28] Speaker A: That's a great way to put it. It teaches you to prioritize with confidence, protect your time, reduce overwhelm, and focus only on actions that create the most impact and joy for the person you want to be. [00:33:39] Speaker C: It forces you to choose intention over habit. [00:33:42] Speaker A: It does. If you spend all day in Q1 crisis mode and Q3 other people's interruptions, you're living reactively. The goal is to maximize that Q2 time. [00:33:51] Speaker C: That focus on immediate action and boundaries brings us naturally to segment seven, conquering procrastination and putting the glass down. Procrastination is what the source calls our silent excuse button. [00:34:01] Speaker A: And the solution presented is Rooted in immediate radical honesty and assertiveness, it emphasizes that passive communication, you know, just hoping a problem goes away that does not belong in the new identity. [00:34:14] Speaker C: The key self check question the sources recommend for any looming task is so simple. Will I get to do this today? [00:34:21] Speaker A: And you have to be honest. [00:34:22] Speaker C: If the answer is genuinely yes, just do I t immediately eliminate the mental drama in the time you spend building an excuse. But if the answer is honestly and realistically no, you have to let it go immediately. [00:34:36] Speaker A: You say to yourself, I will not do this today. And importantly, if necessary, you communicate that clearly to others. [00:34:41] Speaker C: The material stresses that as soon as you realize you are about to use an excuse or you're about to over promise because of people pleasing, you have to call it without guilt, without judgment, or without those long time consuming stories. [00:34:53] Speaker A: Over promising only adds to your stress and it actively betrays the new identity you're trying to build on integrity. [00:34:59] Speaker C: So if you need to communicate your true capacity, especially with external stakeholders like colleagues or clients, the source recommends using the USA model. [00:35:08] Speaker A: Understanding situation action. [00:35:10] Speaker C: This feels crucial for maintaining professional boundaries without sacrificing clarity. [00:35:15] Speaker A: It's incredibly effective. Let's provide a full detailed example of how it works. Let's say a colleague asks for an urgent task, a Q3 item for you that conflicts with your Q2 deep work. [00:35:27] Speaker C: Okay. [00:35:28] Speaker A: Instead of avoiding it or giving a vague yeah, I'll try, you use the model. You say, I understand this task is important and time sensitive to you. That's the understanding, right? [00:35:38] Speaker C: You validate their need first. [00:35:39] Speaker A: Exactly. Then you say, however, the situation is that I have a non negotiable deadline for a core project that requires my full attention until 3pm that's the situation. [00:35:50] Speaker C: You're being honest about your capacity and. [00:35:52] Speaker A: Then you provide the action. I will prioritize this immediately after 3pm and will give you an update on my progress by the end of the day. [00:35:59] Speaker C: That is radically honest and assertive. It removes all the ambiguity, it protects the boundary of your new identity and it gives the other person a clear path forward. You've replaced the lie of I'll try with the truth of here's my capacity. [00:36:12] Speaker A: And remember what the material warns. Do not ignore the problem and hope it goes away. Lies about your capacity become your future stress. The truth about your capacity becomes your past hurdle immediately managed. [00:36:26] Speaker C: But we also have to address the root causes of procrastination. Often it's not just a lack of honesty, is it? It's anxiety or overwhelm or lack of confidence about the task. Itself. [00:36:36] Speaker A: Absolutely. If you find yourself in a perpetual loop of Q4 distractions because you're afraid to start a Q2 task, that's when you need to pause, pivot and adjust. [00:36:45] Speaker C: So what does that look like? [00:36:46] Speaker A: The sources suggest something called the tree strategy. Pausing to visualize and organize the task into smaller, manageable branches. Or just meditation to address the anxiety at its root, rather than just treating the symptom of delay. Procrastination is often a symptom of emotional mismanagement. [00:37:02] Speaker C: Speaking of emotional burdens, the segment concludes with one of the most powerful and enduring metaphors in personal development, the glass of water story. [00:37:11] Speaker A: It's highly impactful because it makes the abstract concept of stress tangible. [00:37:16] Speaker C: So the story begins with a professor holding up a glass of water and asking the class its weight. And the students, they offer various guesses. [00:37:25] Speaker A: Right, 200 grams, 500 grams. And the professor replies that the absolute weight doesn't matter at all. What matters is entirely dependent on how long you hold it. [00:37:35] Speaker C: If you hold it for a minute, no problem. [00:37:36] Speaker A: Hold it for an hour, your arm will start to ache. Hold it all day long and your arm will go numb, feel paralyzed, or could even be permanently damaged. And yet the weight of the glass never changed. [00:37:47] Speaker C: And this is the analogy for stress, for grudges, for worries, and all the emotional baggage we carry from our past narratives. [00:37:54] Speaker A: Hold them briefly. They're manageable. Hold them for longer. They begin to hurt and distract you from the important work of your new identity. But hold them constantly, day in and day out, and they will absolutely cripple you. They will paralyze your ability to act with intention. [00:38:08] Speaker C: The lesson is so profound and immediate. Put the glass down. [00:38:13] Speaker A: Rest recenter. Release what no longer serves you, whether that's a past trauma, a current grudge, or tomorrow's worry. Carrying emotional burdens for too long makes them feel infinitely heavier than they actually are. [00:38:27] Speaker C: And the final powerful statement on this brings us right back to identity and sovereignty. Letting go is not weakness, it's strength in action. It's how you reclaim peace. [00:38:37] Speaker A: That act of putting the glass down, whether it's a self defeating excuse or a piece of painful procrastination, or an old grievance, is an act of sovereign self care. It directly supports your new identity. If you're paralyzed by the weight of the past, you cannot move forward into the future you defined in Q2. [00:38:53] Speaker C: As we enter our final segment, segment 8, we're summarizing the nature of the journey itself. Lifelong growth is cyclical. It's not a straight line it's layered. You don't just solve a problem once. [00:39:03] Speaker A: You revisit it at a deeper level. As you expand, you will inevitably experience seasons of clarity where everything flows and feels aligned. And you will have seasons of chaos where everything feels tested, where the old. [00:39:13] Speaker C: Triggers come back with full force, and. [00:39:15] Speaker A: Both are essential for growth. The friction is what creates the polish. [00:39:19] Speaker C: The beauty of it though, is that you don't have to tackle the whole journey at once. You just need to stay committed to three foundational choices that keep you rising regardless of the emotional weather. [00:39:30] Speaker A: What are they? [00:39:30] Speaker C: 1. Truth over comfort. This means being radically honest about your capacity, your reality and your intentions, even when the truth is uncomfortable or risks disappointing others. [00:39:42] Speaker A: 2. Expansion over fear. This requires continuously choosing the edge of your comfort zone, even when fear tries to pull you back with the promise of stress safety. Expansion is the commitment to Q2. Fear is the gravity of Q4. [00:39:55] Speaker C: And 3. Intention over habit. This is that conscious daily choice to act from your defined values, your intention, rather than reverting to the default setting of the old narrative, which is just habit. [00:40:06] Speaker A: And if you commit to those three principles, truth, expansion, and intention, you keep rising. The cumulative effect of choosing yourself day by day, moment by moment, is guaranteed transformation. [00:40:17] Speaker C: This brings us to our closing reflection. You are the author. Now. [00:40:21] Speaker A: Staying true to the new identity is beautifully framed in the sources. Not as becoming someone else, but as coming home to the version of you that was always present. Underneath all the layers of old stories and survival mechanisms and self doubt, you're aligning with your innate highest potential. [00:40:39] Speaker C: You are the author. You get to choose what happens next. Every single aligned action, from scheduling a Q2 task to using the USA model to set a boundary. It affirms that you are no longer defined by who you were. You are defined by who you've chosen to be. [00:40:55] Speaker A: Your future self is already proud of you for just showing up today and committing to this deep work. Keep going. Keep growing. The work is absolutely worth the effort. [00:41:03] Speaker C: And to make this transition from insight to integration really actionable, we recommend immediately engaging with a brief reflection exercise from the source material. Take 10 minutes right now. Put the glass down, turn off the digital noise, and just write freely on these four points. [00:41:16] Speaker A: What's the first one? [00:41:17] Speaker C: What is the one habit you can start today that aligns with your new identity? This is your Q2 commitment. [00:41:22] Speaker A: Okay. And second, what is the one excuse you have most often told yourself? Your habitual barrier that you are ready to dismantle using the principles of Dr. Dwyer's work. [00:41:33] Speaker C: Third, what version of you might appear if you started this habit and eliminated this excuse simultaneously, really try to visualize that sovereign self. [00:41:42] Speaker A: And finally, circling back to our time management tool based on your new identity, what is urgent and important to you now? What needs to go into that do first or schedule quadrant today? [00:41:53] Speaker C: Thank you for engaging in this detailed deep dive into personal growth, identity alignment, and the practical tools for making those changes stick. This material provides an incredible blueprint for turning insight into embodiment. [00:42:06] Speaker A: And as you move forward with these principles of consistency and intention, I want to leave you with one final provocative thought to mull over. If identity is shaped by the standards we set and the actions we repeat, what is the single highest standard you can set for yourself right now that would fundamentally make it impossible to use your most common excuse? Focus on the standard, not just the action. For instance, if your excuse is I don't have time, perhaps the standard is I am a person whose calendar reflects my priorities. [00:42:33] Speaker C: That is a profound challenge to carry into your day. We've covered awareness, redefinition, integration, the power of environment, and the necessity of putting that glass of water down and choosing the saga and response. [00:42:45] Speaker A: We hope this deep dive serves as a powerful reminder you are the author. [00:42:49] Speaker C: Until next time, keep choosing yourself. [00:42:59] Speaker A: Carrying forgiveness a gentle gift of love. [00:43:06] Speaker B: This episode closes with another powerful turning point in your story. By now, you've begun to see that transformation isn't something that arrives in one grand moment. It's built in quiet decisions, the boundaries you protect, the truth truths you speak, and the emotional freedom you choose again and again within an Eddy collection. I am Jeanette Dunlop, author of Rewrite youe Story and the creator of the Other your podcast. This episode asked you to look closely at who you've been, what you've tolerated, and how far you've come. But more importantly, it invited you to recognize your resilience, the part of you that refuses to stay small, unseen, unheard or unvalued. You did not come this far to repeat old patterns. You came this far to rise. What comes next is the beginning of your new story, not shaped by fear, doubt, past conditionings, or the expectations expectations of others, but by intention, clarity, and a deep inner knowing that you are ready for more. You deserve a life that matches the truth of who you're becoming. So if today's conversation reminded you that your story is evolving, we encourage you to take the next step into your strong, enduring blueprint for lifelong growth and reinvention. Pick up the pen, reflect, visualize and feel the authentic, beautiful person you see before you in the mirror to keep exploring ways to create the other you. Be sure to subscribe and leave a five star review as it helps the message reach someone who needs it today. Share this episode with a friend who is ready to reunite. Write their story and be sure to follow Ennette Dunlop to explore the full Nettie collection of books, YouTube videos and online programs. Until next week. Keep writing and keep becoming. [00:45:25] Speaker A: Every shadow fades, every fear unwinds Let the morning find you Leaving night behind. Awakening into light Heart renew and free in this gentle radiance Become who you're meant to be. Sa.