Reclaiming What is Yours

[00:00:08] Speaker A: Shadows whisper secrets unknown Reflections lost in time Shown Shifting light of what's to be Yearning for truth inside of me I have called it I'll allow it Let it be Set the author free. [00:00:35] Speaker B: We are all storytellers. Every day, with every choice, we add a new line to the narrative of our lives. Welcome to Part two, the Transformation. I am Jannette Dunlop, author of Rewrite your Story and my book of mantras, presenting another Nettie collection, the 'Other You Podcast', where curiosity rediscovers the version of you that's been buried under roles, routines and expectations. The other you that still dreams, still feels and still believes in more. Alongside your hosts, Ben Jenkins and Sarah Michaels, we'll talk about real change, mindset resets, and how to build a life that feels like yours again. Each episode invites you to pause, reflect and reconnect with practical tools for confidence, purpose and emotional balance. So take a breath, open your heart, and step into a conversation designed to remind you you are not bound by yesterday. You are free to create the other. [00:01:52] Speaker A: I'll allow it Let it be Set the author free. I am authentic. I am grown. [00:02:01] Speaker C: Okay, let's unpack this. [00:02:02] Speaker D: Let's do it. [00:02:03] Speaker C: Today we are on a pretty massive mission. We want to provide you with a psychological toolkit, a real toolkit for personal reinvention. And this isn't just a motivational speech, right? [00:02:17] Speaker D: No, not at all. This is a technical deep dive. We're getting into the frameworks, the actual foundations that successful people use to, well, to fundamentally change things. [00:02:27] Speaker C: Things like their focus, their energy and. [00:02:29] Speaker D: Ultimately, yeah, their life's entire trajectory. [00:02:32] Speaker C: So we're looking at three colossal but really interconnected frameworks today. [00:02:37] Speaker D: Colossal is the right word. First, you've got the fast, action oriented world of neuro linguistic programming, an nlp. Right. Think of those as the software updates you can run on your brain almost immediately. [00:02:48] Speaker C: Okay, software updates. I like that. [00:02:49] Speaker D: And then, then we have the foundational architecture, the wiring diagram for the human operating system, you could say. [00:02:55] Speaker C: And that's Abraham Maslow. [00:02:57] Speaker D: Abraham Maslow's theory of motivation. Yeah, the absolute bedrock of what drives us. [00:03:01] Speaker C: And we're going to tie it all together with, well, with a really enduring, actionable roadmap for living intentionally. [00:03:10] Speaker D: Stephen Covey's seven Habits of Highly Effective people. [00:03:12] Speaker C: Exactly. So this whole deep dive, it's meant to be your shortcut. A way to understand how to stop just reacting to life and start creating it. [00:03:22] Speaker D: Yeah, consciously. [00:03:23] Speaker C: The big connection here, and this is what we really want you to see, is how these pieces fit it's critical. [00:03:30] Speaker D: It is. You have the internal blueprints from Maslow, the why behind your drive, the architecture. Right. And then you combine that with the practical, very rapid techniques from nlp. The software tools to help you actually implement the intentional choices laid out by Covey. [00:03:44] Speaker C: So it's the map, the update and the daily roadmap all in one. [00:03:48] Speaker D: That's the goal. All rolled into one session designed for, you know, the discerning learner. [00:03:52] Speaker C: Okay, so let's start with that toolbox, the one for immediate change. Neuro linguistic programming. Nlp. [00:03:58] Speaker D: Yeah, let's jump right in. If Maslow is the structural engineer with. [00:04:03] Speaker C: The blueprint, then NLP is what? The power drill. [00:04:05] Speaker D: The high powered precision drill. Exactly. It's what you use to rearrange the wiring or, or fix the faulty insulation. It's hands on. [00:04:14] Speaker C: So what are we actually talking about when we say nlp? It sounds very clinical. [00:04:18] Speaker D: It does. And defining it is key. It's really a bridge between psychology and communication. It looks at how our thoughts, that's. [00:04:26] Speaker C: The neuro part, our nervous system, how the brain is processing information. [00:04:30] Speaker D: Precisely. It looks at how those thoughts affect our behavior by examining the way we use and interpret language. [00:04:36] Speaker C: The linguistic component. [00:04:37] Speaker D: Right. And the signals we send to ourselves. [00:04:39] Speaker C: And the third piece, the programming, that sounds like where the action is. [00:04:44] Speaker D: Absolutely. That's the whole point. The programming is about gaining conscious, deliberate control over your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions. [00:04:51] Speaker C: Instead of just letting them happen to you. [00:04:52] Speaker D: Instead of being a passive victim of them. Yeah. The fundamental idea in NLP is that we all have these internal maps of reality. And if that map is limiting you, if it's leading you down the wrong path, you can and you absolutely must change the map. [00:05:08] Speaker C: This whole philosophy, it's been massively popularized, hasn't it? By people like Tony Robbins. [00:05:13] Speaker D: Oh, hugely. He adapted a lot of these quick change techniques into his own system. He calls it neuro associative conditioning. [00:05:20] Speaker C: But the core belief is the same. It's that simple but profound idea. Change your focus. [00:05:26] Speaker D: Where focus goes, energy flows. That's the adage. You can change how you think, how you feel, how you act just by changing what you are consistently focusing on. [00:05:36] Speaker C: It's the ult action oriented system. Then it's not really interested in the why is it? [00:05:40] Speaker D: Not at all. It doesn't obsess over why. You developed a phobia 20 years ago. That's for traditional therapy. NLP is all about the how. [00:05:48] Speaker C: How can I react differently right now? [00:05:50] Speaker D: Right now? How do you install a mindset so that life feels like it's happening for you, giving you opportunities instead of to you, where you're always on the defensive. [00:05:58] Speaker C: And it's so versatile. Our sources mention it being used by mental health professionals for everything from anxiety to panic attacks. [00:06:05] Speaker D: True, but its biggest growth has been in personal development, public speaking, sales, leadership. [00:06:11] Speaker C: High performance. [00:06:11] Speaker D: Exactly. It's about finding those unproductive patterns, that old faulty map, and replacing them with strategies that actually work. [00:06:18] Speaker C: Okay, so let's get into the weeds. Let's talk about some of these specific foundational techniques. Where is a good place to start? [00:06:24] Speaker D: Let's start with the most accessible one, the one anyone can try right now. First up, imagery training or mental rehearsal. [00:06:33] Speaker C: So visualization. [00:06:34] Speaker D: It's visualization, but. But on steroids. NLP insists on a much higher level of sensory detail. It's great for beginners because it's so linear, so straightforward. [00:06:45] Speaker C: So the detail is what separates it from just, you know, wishful thinking. [00:06:48] Speaker D: That's the absolute difference. You're not just wishing. You are creating new neural pathways. You have to generate a highly, highly detailed scene of you succeeding. [00:06:57] Speaker C: So not just I hope I do well in the presentation. [00:06:59] Speaker D: No. It's picturing yourself walking onto the stage, feeling the solid floor beneath your feet. Seeing your confident, determined body language in your mind's eye. [00:07:09] Speaker C: Hearing the sound of your own voice, clear and strong. [00:07:12] Speaker D: Yes. And feeling the confidence in your chest, the certainty in your hands as you click through the slides. You are preloading success into your nervous system. [00:07:21] Speaker C: You're making it feel. Inevitable. [00:07:23] Speaker D: That's the word. Inevitable. Okay. Second, the NLP switch pattern. [00:07:27] Speaker C: This sounds more advanced. [00:07:28] Speaker D: It is. This is rapid reprogramming. It's designed to train your brain to amplify positive outcomes and. And really weaken the pull of negative. [00:07:38] Speaker C: Automatic triggers like the urge to procrastinate. [00:07:41] Speaker D: Perfect example. That moment you sit down to work and your hand just automatically reaches for your phone. The swish can break that. [00:07:47] Speaker C: So how does it work? What's the mechanism? [00:07:49] Speaker D: It's a flash of intense visualization. [00:07:52] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:07:53] Speaker D: So step one. You create a vivid, big, bright picture of the thing you don't want. [00:07:59] Speaker C: My hand reaching for the phone. I can see it clearly. [00:08:01] Speaker D: Make it huge in your mind. [00:08:02] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:08:03] Speaker D: Now step two. Create a picture of what you do want. The desired behavior. Maybe it's you immediately standing up, walking to the kitchen and starting the coffee maker. But, and this is key at first, this desired image is small. It's dull. It's maybe in the bottom corner of your mental screen. [00:08:19] Speaker C: Got it. Big bad habit. Small, good habit. And then comes the swish. [00:08:24] Speaker D: Yes. In a fraction of a second, you aggressively reverse them. The small desired image of you making coffee just explodes forward, becomes huge, bright, colorful. Maybe you add drums and music in your head. [00:08:36] Speaker C: And the bad habit, the phone, it shrinks instantly. [00:08:39] Speaker D: It turns gray, colorless, and gets thrown way into the background. It becomes insignificant. [00:08:45] Speaker C: And you just do that once? [00:08:46] Speaker D: No, you repeat it. You do that reversal intensely. Three, four, five times. Swish, swish, swish. You're forcing the brain to override that old negative trigger with a new, powerful, compelling positive one. You're building a faster, better map. [00:09:01] Speaker C: This sounds almost violently effective. You're really forcing a new choice on the brain. [00:09:06] Speaker D: That's the point. Speed and intensity are everything. Okay, Third, modeling. [00:09:11] Speaker C: This one I've heard a lot about, especially in business and sports. [00:09:13] Speaker D: Extremely popular. And it's based on this idea that you move toward what you consistently observe and think about. So if you want to elevate your. [00:09:20] Speaker C: Life, you surround yourself with people who are already where you want to be. [00:09:24] Speaker D: Exactly. But it's more than just admiration. It's not just hanging up a poster. [00:09:28] Speaker C: It's a structured process. [00:09:29] Speaker D: Right, A very structured process. It's about dissecting the physical, the emotional, even the cognitive patterns of successful people. You find a mentor, you join a mastermind group, you actively study. And executive speeches, not just for what they say, but how they say it. [00:09:47] Speaker C: So you're basically borrowing a proven mental map. [00:09:49] Speaker D: You're bypassing years of trial and error. It's a massive shortcut. [00:09:52] Speaker C: Okay, that makes sense. Number four. Mirroring. [00:09:56] Speaker D: Ah, yes. This one is all about non verbal communication. It's about creating instant connection and rapport, often completely subconsciously. [00:10:03] Speaker C: This is a huge tool in sales and negotiation, I imagine. [00:10:07] Speaker D: Huge. It's all grounded in that famous communication statistic, the 73855 rule. [00:10:11] Speaker C: Remind me of that one. [00:10:13] Speaker D: Only 7% of what you communicate is the actual words you use. [00:10:16] Speaker C: Only 7%. [00:10:17] Speaker D: Right. 38% is your tone of voice, the pitch, the pace, the volume. And a massive 55% is your body language. [00:10:23] Speaker C: So mirroring is about matching those nonverbal cues. [00:10:26] Speaker D: Correct. You subtly match the other person's signals. If they're talking fast with high energy, you reflect that energy. If they're leaning back, speaking slowly, you match that ease. [00:10:37] Speaker C: You can even mirror their breathing subtly. [00:10:40] Speaker D: Yes. Or their vocabulary. If they use a certain word, you use it back. The subconscious logic is incredibly powerful. The other person's brain just thinks, this person is just like me, and that. [00:10:51] Speaker C: Automatically Makes you more trustworthy. [00:10:53] Speaker D: More trustworthy, more relatable. You're building what Covey calls the emotional bank account. Which we'll get to later. [00:10:58] Speaker C: Okay. [00:10:59] Speaker D: And the fifth technique, incantations. This is like the next evolution of affirmations. [00:11:04] Speaker C: So it's more than just repeating. I am confident in the mirror. [00:11:07] Speaker D: So much more. An affirmation is passive. An incantation is an active physiological state changer. [00:11:15] Speaker C: You have to change your body first. [00:11:16] Speaker D: You have to change your physiology first. Yes. You get into a peak physical state. You stand tall, you move your body, you breathe deeply. And then you embody the phrase with total intensity. You don't just say, I am disciplined, you yell it. You stomp your foot. You feel the discipline and confidence flooding your system. [00:11:35] Speaker C: So it's a total mind body commitment. [00:11:37] Speaker D: It creates a state of absolute, unquestionable confidence. It's an incredibly powerful tool for overriding those deep limiting beliefs we all have. [00:11:47] Speaker C: Okay, so those are some immediate tools. How do we connect them into something bigger, Something for long term change? [00:11:52] Speaker D: That's the seven step NLP framework for habits. This is how you move from a quick fix to sustained transformation. Step one, Set a well formed outcome. The language has to activate your whole nervous system. So it's not I want to stop being razy. That focuses on the negative. It has to be positive, specific and full of sensory detail. I feel strong, energized and proud after my workouts. It becomes an identity statement. [00:12:16] Speaker C: I like that. [00:12:17] Speaker D: Step two, Anchor desired emotional states. This takes that incantation idea and makes it a daily tool. You recall a time you felt a peak state. Super motivated, totally focused. [00:12:29] Speaker C: And you link it to a physical. [00:12:30] Speaker D: Gesture, A specific, unique gesture. Like a tight fist tap on your thigh or squeezing your thumb and index finger together. That physical anchor becomes a trigger, a. [00:12:40] Speaker C: Shortcut to that emotional state. [00:12:42] Speaker D: An instant activation tool you can use right when you're feeling resistance. It's physiological leverage. [00:12:48] Speaker C: Step three, must be the swish pattern. [00:12:50] Speaker D: You got it. You apply it directly to those moments of resistance. You see the image of you skipping the gym and you swish in that powerful, rewarding image of you smiling and feeling great after the workout. [00:13:01] Speaker C: Okay. [00:13:02] Speaker D: Step four, Reframe limiting beliefs. This might be the most powerful one. It's about catching those subtle, nasty little distortions. [00:13:09] Speaker C: We tell ourselves, I'm just not a morning person. [00:13:11] Speaker D: That's a classic. It feels like a fact, but it's just a story. You have to catch it and reframe it immediately. I am learning how to energize my mornings Language is the rudder of the mind. You use it to rewrite the story of who you are. [00:13:24] Speaker C: Step five. Future pace. Your success. [00:13:28] Speaker D: This is mental rehearsal again, but deeper. You imagine yourself not just doing the habit, but easily overcoming every single obstacle you can think of. [00:13:37] Speaker C: So you're preparing for the tough moments. [00:13:39] Speaker D: You're embedding the habit into your core identity. I am a person who follows through on commitments to myself. Period. [00:13:48] Speaker C: Chunk down the habit. [00:13:49] Speaker D: This is all about preventing overwhelm, which links back to Maslow's need for safety. You break huge goals into tiny microhabits. And you use habit stacking, linking a. [00:13:59] Speaker C: New habit to one you already do. [00:14:01] Speaker D: Exactly. Don't just say, I'll meditate for 20 minutes every morning. That's too big. You stack it. After I brush my teeth, I will sit and breathe for one minute. [00:14:09] Speaker C: Much more manageable. And the final step. [00:14:11] Speaker D: Step seven. Calibrate, progress and adjust. You treat your life like a series of feedback loops, not pass fail tests. You focus on objective data. [00:14:19] Speaker C: What work today? [00:14:20] Speaker D: What can I tweak for tomorrow? And the sources give us this really powerful insight here. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today. That keeps your focus internal, productive, and always moving forward. [00:14:34] Speaker C: Okay. This is a very compelling toolkit. It feels very empowering. [00:14:37] Speaker D: But here's where it gets really interesting. [00:14:40] Speaker C: Yeah. We've just laid out this incredibly practical system that huge companies, IBM, NASA, the US army have used for decades. And yet. [00:14:49] Speaker D: And yet NLP faces some of the strongest, most intense skepticism from the scientific community. [00:14:55] Speaker C: That's the paradox, isn't it? If it's so popular and feels so effective, why the massive academic pushback? Is there a fatal flaw here? [00:15:03] Speaker D: The primary issue, it really boils down to two things, methodology and rigor. For one, NLP is. It's really hard to define precisely. [00:15:11] Speaker C: Which makes it hard to test. [00:15:12] Speaker D: Incredibly hard to test empirically. Yeah. Its founders, Bandler and Grinder, they were brilliant observers. They modeled these incredible therapists, Fritz Perls. [00:15:19] Speaker C: Virginia Satter, and they figured out what made them so effective. [00:15:22] Speaker D: They formulated hypotheses about their core principles. But then they skipped a crucial step. [00:15:27] Speaker C: They didn't test the hypotheses exactly. [00:15:30] Speaker D: They published their ideas as scientific fact before they did the rigorous testing. So when academic researchers finally did try to test the unique, specific claims of. [00:15:40] Speaker C: Nlp, the results weren't great. [00:15:42] Speaker D: Overwhelmingly non supportive. [00:15:44] Speaker C: Do we have any hard data on that? What did the studies actually show? [00:15:47] Speaker D: Yeah, one really comprehensive psychological review by a researcher named Witkowski was pretty Stark. He analyzed 63 different peer reviewed studies. Statistically, only about 18% of those studies showed results at actually supported NLP's claims. [00:16:03] Speaker C: 18%? That's. That's incredibly low. [00:16:06] Speaker D: It is. And a staggering 54% were actively non supportive. The rest were ambiguous. [00:16:11] Speaker C: So if you can't get what, 80 or 90% support for a therapeutic model, it's just not considered reliable. [00:16:17] Speaker D: Not at all. And the consensus among most researchers that the few positive results they did find were probably due to things common to all therapies. [00:16:24] Speaker C: Like having a good rapport with the practitioner. [00:16:26] Speaker D: Right. Rapport expectation, the placebo effect, not the unique mechanisms of NLP itself. In fact, in one high level review, a panel of psychologists ranked NLP as the 18th most discredited theory in mental health. [00:16:42] Speaker C: Wow. Let's dig into some of the specific claims that the sources say are unsupported. The eye movement thing is probably the most famous one. [00:16:49] Speaker D: The eye accessing cues. Yeah. The claim is that where a person's eyes move can tell you if they're remembering something or making something up. [00:16:56] Speaker C: So if I look up to my right, that means I'm constructing an image, which could mean I'm lying. [00:17:02] Speaker D: That's the classic NLP claim. But the research just doesn't back it up. Not at all. Not at all. There was a well cited series of studies where they literally told participants to lie or tell the truth and then coded their eye movements. [00:17:13] Speaker C: And there was no correlation, no correlation. [00:17:15] Speaker D: To the specific patterns NLP predicts. The researchers concluded the whole idea can be reliably dismissed. Trying to detect lies with eye movement is. It's baseless. [00:17:24] Speaker C: Okay, so that's a big one. What about the other one, the VAK system? Preferred representational matching. [00:17:30] Speaker D: Right. Vak, Visual auditory, kinesthetic. The idea that people primarily process the world through one of those senses. [00:17:40] Speaker C: So if I say I see what you mean. I'm a visual person and you should use visual language back at me, like, let's get a clear picture of this. [00:17:47] Speaker D: That's the theory. And on the surface it sounds logical, but again, it falls apart under scrutiny. [00:17:52] Speaker C: How so? [00:17:53] Speaker D: Well, a big review of 15 studies found almost no evidence that matching your language to a client's supposed VAK system actually improves rapport or outcomes. [00:18:03] Speaker C: And could they even tell what a person's preference was in the first place? [00:18:07] Speaker D: That was the other problem. Therapists couldn't reliably assess a client's preferred system anyway, which kind of defeats the whole purpose. [00:18:13] Speaker C: This brings us back to that central paradox. If the evidence is so flimsy why are IBM and Masa and the army using it? What are they seeing that the scientists are missing? [00:18:21] Speaker D: That's the million dollar question. And I think the answer brings us back to Maslow. What is one of the most fundamental pre potent human needs? [00:18:28] Speaker C: Survival. [00:18:29] Speaker D: Safety. Safety. The need for predictability, stability and its sense of control. [00:18:34] Speaker C: And NLP gives you that instantly, even. [00:18:37] Speaker D: If the science is questionable. The feeling of being in control is powerful. The techniques, the anchoring, the reframing, they give you an immediate sense of internal control over your emotional state. [00:18:48] Speaker C: So the benefit is really motivational. It's placebo driven largely. [00:18:52] Speaker D: If you truly believe you can tap your fist and instantly feel confident, you probably will act more confidently and perform better. The dream of a unified evidence based coaching model is still out there. But the NLP brand itself just lacks that validation. [00:19:07] Speaker C: It's a powerful toolkit, but one that requires a lot of critical thinking. [00:19:10] Speaker D: Exactly. [00:19:11] Speaker C: Okay, so let's make that shift. Let's move from the tactical tools of NLP to the foundational architecture you mentioned earlier. Let's talk about Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. [00:19:19] Speaker D: Yes, this is the blueprint. This 1943 work is all about the integrated wholeness of a person. Maslow stressed that we need to look at our ultimate basic goals, the things that are often unconscious, not just our surface level desires. [00:19:33] Speaker C: And the core of this whole thing is the hierarchy of prepotency. We should really spend some time defining that because it's the engine of the whole theory. [00:19:40] Speaker D: It really is. Pre potency just means power or dominance. Maslow's big idea was that our needs arrange themselves in a very specific hierarchy, a ladder. And the critical rule is this. You have to satisfy a lower, more pre potent need before the next need. [00:19:57] Speaker C: Up the ladder even shows up on. [00:19:59] Speaker D: Your radar, before it emerges to dominate your consciousness and your motivation. Yes, if you have two needs that aren't being met, the lower one on the ladder will always, always win. [00:20:08] Speaker C: Can you give us a modern example of that? [00:20:10] Speaker D: Beyond just being hungry to think about chronic sleep deprivation. Sleep is a physiological need right at the bottom of the pyramid. If you are exhausted, truly running on. [00:20:20] Speaker C: Empty, forget about your career goals. [00:20:22] Speaker D: Forget about career goals. Forget about having a deep conversation with your partner, your brain, your memory, your energy. It's all hijacked by the biological pre potent need for sleep. Maslow called us a perpetually wanting animal. But those wants are very, very organized. [00:20:36] Speaker C: So let's walk up the ladder. The first three tiers are what he called the deficiency needs or D needs. They're about survival and stability. [00:20:44] Speaker D: Right. Tier 1 physiological needs. The most pre potent of all this is pure survival. [00:20:50] Speaker C: Food, water, sleep, breathing. [00:20:53] Speaker D: Exactly. Maslow talks about homeostasis here. The body's automatic constant effort to maintain a stable internal state. Yeah, regulating your temperature, your salt levels, everything. [00:21:03] Speaker C: And when any of these are acutely threatened, they just take over everything completely. [00:21:07] Speaker D: Maslow said if a person lacks everything in life, food, safety, love, their primary motivation will just be for food, period. Their entire consciousness, their intelligence, it all becomes a hunger gratifying tool. All higher desires just vanish. [00:21:23] Speaker C: His famous quote, man lives by bread alone. [00:21:26] Speaker D: When there is no bread, the moment that need is met, a new higher need emerges. [00:21:32] Speaker C: Which is? Tier 2 safety needs. [00:21:34] Speaker D: Now the motivation shifts. It becomes about security, stability, law, order. A predictable world where you feel safe. [00:21:40] Speaker C: You see this so clearly in babies, don't you? [00:21:42] Speaker D: Perfectly. An infant will have a total panic reaction to a sudden loud noise or. Or they feel like they're being dropped. They thrive on routine, on rhythm. Without that safety, the world is a terrifying, threatening place. [00:21:53] Speaker C: And for adults, this shows up as our need for job security, savings accounts, insurance, all that. [00:21:59] Speaker D: Even the desire for a coherent worldview, a religion, a scientific framework that makes the universe feel organized and meaningful. That's partially motivated by this deep need for safety. You need to know the rules of the game before you can feel safe enough to play. [00:22:14] Speaker C: And once we feel relatively safe, we move up to tier three, love and belonging needs. [00:22:20] Speaker D: And this is where it gets really interesting for modern society. This is the hunger for friends, for family, for intimacy, for a place in a group. [00:22:27] Speaker C: And Masla said that when these needs are thwarted, it's the most common cause of. Of serious psychological problems. [00:22:34] Speaker D: The most common core of maladjustment. Yes, you look at the epidemics of loneliness and alienation we see today, Maslow would say that is a massive unmet deficiency need that is actively organizing people's behavior in negative ways. [00:22:47] Speaker C: And he was very clear that love is not the same as sex. [00:22:50] Speaker D: Very clear. Sexual behavior can be a physiological drive, but the love need is about giving and receiving, affection, acceptance and a sense of connection. [00:22:58] Speaker C: Okay, so Once those first 3D needs are more or less satisfied, we can start moving into the growth needs. We start with tier 4, esteem needs. [00:23:08] Speaker D: This is the desire for a stable, high evaluation of oneself. And it has to be based on real capacity, real achievement. [00:23:17] Speaker C: And there are two sides to it. [00:23:18] Speaker D: Two sides? First, the internal needs. Strength, confidence, independence, a sense of personal freedom. And second, the external needs. Reputation, prestige, recognition from others. [00:23:30] Speaker C: So when that's satisfied. You feel confident, you feel worthy, you're willing to take risks. But if it's not, you're crippled by. [00:23:35] Speaker D: Feelings of inferiority, weakness, and helplessness. [00:23:39] Speaker C: Which brings us to the original peak of the pyramid. Tier 5, self actualization. [00:23:43] Speaker D: This is the desire for self fulfillment. It's the drive to become everything that one is capable of becoming. A musician must make music, an artist must paint, A teacher must teach. But, and this is the crucial part, this need only clearly emerges after all the lower needs have been satisfied first. [00:23:59] Speaker C: So gratification is the gatekeeper, the absolute gatekeeper. [00:24:02] Speaker D: This is one of the most important ideas in the theory. A gratified need is not an active motivator. [00:24:07] Speaker C: Once you've eaten, you stop thinking about food. [00:24:10] Speaker D: It disappears. It only exists potentially ready to come back if you get hungry again. This is why the bottom four levels are D needs. They are motivated by the lack of something. Once you fill that lack, the motivation vanishes and you are free to move up to the being needs or be needs of self actualization. [00:24:27] Speaker C: And this is where the story gets a huge, monumental update. The discovery that even self actualization was not enough. [00:24:36] Speaker D: Yes, this is Maslow. In his later work after 1967, he looked at the people he had identified as self actualized, these highly effective, healthy people. And he realized many of them were motivated by something that went beyond their own personal fulfillment. [00:24:50] Speaker C: He'd made a mistake in his original. [00:24:51] Speaker D: Model, a subtle but profound one. He realized he'd grouped truly transcendent people, what he called B, people who were focused on peak experiences and being cognitioners, with people who are just very, very successful at fulfilling their own ego needs. [00:25:05] Speaker C: So he added a new level. Tier 6, self transcendence. How is that different from self actualization? [00:25:12] Speaker D: Self actualization is about becoming the best version of me, maximizing my potential. Self transcendence is the new peak. It's where you seek to further a cause beyond the self and to experience communion beyond the boundaries of the self. [00:25:27] Speaker C: Okay, break those two components down. Furthering a cause beyond the self, that's. [00:25:31] Speaker D: Devoting your life and your energy to service to an ideal like truth or social justice or environmentalism. It's not about you anymore. [00:25:39] Speaker C: And communion beyond the boundaries of the. [00:25:41] Speaker D: Self, those are the peak experiences. He talked about moments of mystical union, deep philosophical insight. Those times when your sense of individual self just dissolves and you feel connected to something much, much bigger. [00:25:54] Speaker C: The shift is huge. The original model stops with the individual ego. The new rectified model says the highest form of human Development is transpersonal. [00:26:02] Speaker D: It completely changes the game. You move from being motivated by filling a personal deficit the D needs to being motivated by serving a higher purpose. It's the difference between becoming your best self for you and becoming your best self in service of something greater. [00:26:18] Speaker C: This gives us a real framework for understanding people like. Like a Mother Teresa or a Gandhi. Their lives don't make sense in the. [00:26:26] Speaker D: Old model they don't. Their personal safety, their esteem, it all seems secondary to the cause. This new model explains that it also aligns perfectly with modern theories of wisdom. [00:26:38] Speaker C: How so? [00:26:38] Speaker D: Well, a psychologist named Sternberg defines wisdom not just as maximizing your own self interest, that's self actualization. But as balancing your interests with the interests of others and the interests of the greater community. That's transcendence. [00:26:50] Speaker C: But you mentioned earlier, this is a double edged sword. [00:26:53] Speaker D: It is this intense surrender of the self to a higher cause. It's also the motivation for religious violence, for suicidal terrorism, where personal survival needs. [00:27:03] Speaker C: Are completely thrown away for a cause. [00:27:05] Speaker D: Exactly. The capacity for ultimate devotion is this transpersonal force. It can lead to the greatest good or the greatest evil. [00:27:13] Speaker C: We have to be clear though that this hierarchy isn't perfectly rigid. Maslow himself pointed at exceptions. [00:27:18] Speaker D: Oh absolutely. He saw it as a general rule, but with clear reversals. For example, some people desperately seek self esteem as a way to get love. [00:27:26] Speaker C: So they flip tier three and tier four. [00:27:28] Speaker D: They do. They think if I can just get enough prestige and recognition, then I'll be worthy of affection. [00:27:33] Speaker C: And then you have the innately creative person, the artist who just has to create no matter what. [00:27:38] Speaker D: Right. They defy the lower tiers entirely. They might be starving, they might feel unsafe, but that creative impulse, that self actualizing drive is so powerful it just dominates everything else. [00:27:48] Speaker C: Also have a permanent loss of needs, right? [00:27:50] Speaker D: A fixation. Yes. A person who was chronically deprived of love and belonging in childhood might grow into an adult who. Who simply loses the desire or the ability to form those bonds. The need is just gone. [00:28:04] Speaker C: But the opposite is also true. If you get those needs met early. [00:28:07] Speaker D: On, you develop exceptional frustration tolerance. Someone who felt deeply safe and loved as a child has this profound inner strength. They can withstand a lot of deprivation later in life for a higher ideal. They're the martyrs, the revolutionaries, because they. [00:28:24] Speaker C: Know deep down that their basic worth is solid. [00:28:27] Speaker D: It's unshakeable. And this leaves the final complexity, which is that any single behavior is almost always multi motivated. [00:28:35] Speaker C: It's not driven by just one need. [00:28:37] Speaker D: Never. A person might eat a meal because of physiological hunger, but also for the comfort of safety and for the connection of love and belonging. If they're eating with family, it's always a mixture of. [00:28:46] Speaker C: So we have the software tools from NLP and we have the psychological blueprint from Maslow. How do we build a life with this? How do we make it actionable? [00:28:54] Speaker D: This is where Stephen Covey comes in. His whole framework is built on what he calls the inside out philosophy. Real lasting success starts with your character, with your individual habits. [00:29:05] Speaker C: And he structures it as a journey. Right. It mirrors Maslow's progression. [00:29:09] Speaker D: It's a perfect mirror. First you have to achieve independence. You have to move from being controlled by the D needs to a place of self mastery. Then and only then can you move to interdependence, which is the realm of true self transcendence. [00:29:25] Speaker C: So the first three habits are all about that shift, moving from dependence to independence, taking control of your own internal world. [00:29:33] Speaker D: Habit one, be proactive. This is all about owning your narrative. It's about stopping that automatic knee jerk reaction to things. [00:29:41] Speaker C: It's that space between stimulus and response that Viktor Frankl talked about. [00:29:44] Speaker D: Covey drew heavily on Frankl. Yes. In that space lies your power to choose your response. And in that choice lies your freedom and your growth. A proactive person knows they are responsible. [00:29:54] Speaker C: They focus on their circle of influence, the things they can actually control, not their circle of concern. [00:29:59] Speaker D: Exactly. This habit is the ultimate NLP reframing tool. You own the gap between what happens to you and how you react to it. [00:30:07] Speaker C: Habit two, begin with the end in mind. This is where you visualize your new story. [00:30:11] Speaker D: Covey says everything is created twice. First a mental creation, then a physical creation. You have to define the legacy you want to leave. You have to write your personal mission statement. [00:30:23] Speaker C: This sounds a lot like NLP's well formed outcome. [00:30:26] Speaker D: It's the same core idea. Kavi says you are the programmer and you write the program. When you have that clear guest nation, that true north, it's so much easier to navigate the inevitable challenges and detours. [00:30:39] Speaker C: And habit three, put first things first. This is where the rubber meets the road. [00:30:43] Speaker D: This is where you execute the program. You organize your time, your energy around the values you defined in habit 2. This is all about personal integrity. [00:30:51] Speaker C: This is the hard one because it's about prioritizing importance over urgency. It's about his famous time management matrix. [00:30:58] Speaker D: Yes, and we have to break that down, especially quadrant two. [00:31:00] Speaker C: So Quadrant Re's is the urgent and important stuff. The crises, the deadlines, the fires, you. [00:31:06] Speaker D: Have to put out. It feels productive. But living there leads to burnout. Quadrant 3 is urgent but not important. Interruptions, other people's priorities. Quadrant 4th is just waste. [00:31:15] Speaker C: But the real sweet spot, the place where effective people live is Quadrant two. Not urgent but important. [00:31:23] Speaker D: That's everything. This is long term planning, relationship building, exercise, learning new skills, all the self actualizing, sharpen the saw activities. It's the stuff that's easy to put. [00:31:34] Speaker C: Off because it's not screaming for your attention. [00:31:36] Speaker D: Exactly. Cubby's whole point is you have to schedule your Quadrant 2 priorities. First, you put the big rocks in the jar first. And then you let the sand and gravel fill in around them. [00:31:46] Speaker C: Okay, so once you master those first three habits and achieve independence, you can move on to the next phase. Interdependence. [00:31:52] Speaker D: This is the leap to Maslow's self transcendence. It's the recognition that you need other people to achieve the highest levels of success. [00:32:01] Speaker C: Think win win. [00:32:03] Speaker D: This is about reframing relationships. It's moving away from the scarcity mindset of competition, win, lose or the toxic self sacrifice of people. Pleasing lose win. It requires an abundance mentality. [00:32:15] Speaker C: It's a character based code that says we can both get what we want. [00:32:18] Speaker D: Right. Every interaction should be mutually beneficial. [00:32:20] Speaker C: Habit 5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This is a huge one. This is about rewriting how you listen. [00:32:29] Speaker D: Cubby talks about empathetic listening. Using panthos to genuinely, deeply understand where the other person is coming from. Before you even think about presenting your own logical argument. Your logos. [00:32:41] Speaker C: And the whole thing rests on your credibility, your ethos, your emotional bank account. [00:32:45] Speaker D: Yes, every time you listen with empathy, you make a deposit. Every time you interrupt or try to solve their problem before you understand it, you're making a massive withdrawal. [00:32:55] Speaker C: And after all that. Habit 6. Synergize. [00:32:58] Speaker D: Synergy is the culmination of it all. It's the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. One plus one equals three or ten or a hundred. [00:33:05] Speaker C: You're combining the strengths of different people to create something that no one could have created alone. [00:33:10] Speaker D: It's the practical application of self transcendence in a team or a family. [00:33:14] Speaker C: It's co creation and finally the habit that holds it all together and keeps it going. Habit seven, Sharpen the saw. [00:33:21] Speaker D: This is the habit of continuous renewal. If you ignore this one, you'll burn out. The D needs will creep back in and your effectiveness will plummet. [00:33:29] Speaker C: And he breaks it down into four areas of life. [00:33:31] Speaker D: The four dimensions. Yes, Physical Exercise, nutrition, sleep. That's your physiological needs. [00:33:38] Speaker C: Mental reading, learning, reflecting, self actualization. [00:33:42] Speaker D: Heart or the social emotional dimension. Your relationships, service. That's love and belonging and transcendence. And finally, the spiritual dimension. Your values, your integrity, that's esteem. [00:33:54] Speaker C: And this continuous renewal, it creates what he called the upward spiral. [00:33:57] Speaker D: The upward spiral of learn, commit, do. You're constantly educating your conscience, making progress, which fuels more learning and deeper commitment. It ensures your growth never, ever plateaus. [00:34:09] Speaker C: The foundation for that whole spiral has to be self care, which is part of Habit 7. It seems so obvious, but it's the first thing we sacrifice. [00:34:16] Speaker D: It really is. We are programmed to prioritize external crises over internal maintenance. One of our sources gave this incredible example of taking his car in for. [00:34:25] Speaker C: A service, but putting off getting a skin check for possible cancer. [00:34:29] Speaker D: We service the tools we use, but we neglect the organism itself. It's backward. [00:34:34] Speaker C: This is why self care isn't selfish, it's. It's sacred. It's the quiet decision to rest without. [00:34:40] Speaker D: Guilt, to nourish without shame, and so importantly, to say no without feeling the need to explain yourself. [00:34:48] Speaker C: It strengthens your boundaries, restores your energy. And it's what lets you operate from a place of thriving, not just surviving. [00:34:55] Speaker D: When you choose yourself, you're actively rewriting that old script. You're confirming that you are worthy of that esteem and belonging for a tool. [00:35:03] Speaker C: To make that reset actionable right in the moment. We can look at something like the WIM HOF method. [00:35:08] Speaker D: Yes. This is an advanced technique for regulating your own nervous system, for building real physiological resilience. It's a form of rapid NLP anchoring. Really. [00:35:17] Speaker C: Using your body to change your mind. [00:35:19] Speaker D: Exactly. The breathing technique is a way to disrupt negative thought patterns with physiological control. [00:35:24] Speaker C: Can you walk us through the basic process? [00:35:26] Speaker D: Sure. You start in a safe, comfortable position. You never do this in water, by the way. Then step two. You take 30 to 40 fast, deep breaths. A full inhale, then just a relaxed, effortless exhale. You'll start to feel tingling, maybe some lightheadedness. [00:35:44] Speaker C: And that's normal? [00:35:44] Speaker D: That's normal means your blood chemistry is shifting. Then step three. After the last exhale, you hold your breath for as long as you comfortably can. This is a period of intense stillness. [00:35:55] Speaker C: Step 4. [00:35:56] Speaker D: When you feel that strong urge to breathe, you take one deep recovery. Breath in, hold it for about 15 seconds and then release. You typically do three or four full rounds of that. [00:36:05] Speaker C: The benefit must be huge. [00:36:07] Speaker D: It is. It releases physical tension, it interrupts those automatic anxiety patterns, and it Proves to you physically that you are in control of your state. It's like Wim Hof says, you are stronger than you think you are. It's an instant confidence anchor. [00:36:20] Speaker C: And you need that confidence because real growth requires breaking through challenges. What our sources call the glass ceiling, right? [00:36:26] Speaker D: And that ceiling is often relational. It's the fear of outgrowing the people. [00:36:30] Speaker C: Around you that's a real psychological barrier. As you start to change and grow, you might find that some people in your life are more comfortable with the old you. [00:36:38] Speaker D: They might even unintentionally try to keep you small. They reinforce the old scripts. And to keep growing, to pursue that self actualization, you have to act above the line. You have to choose your growth without guilt, even if it makes others uncomfortable. [00:36:52] Speaker C: It's choosing your own integrity over their validation. [00:36:55] Speaker D: That's habit three in action. And the need for help in breaking these ceilings is so well illustrated by the blindfolded goal story. A participant was blindfolded and had to walk across a huge field to a specific goal. She knew exactly where it was. But blindfolded, she failed again and again. And she got frustrated, frustrated, ashamed. She started walking sideways, totally giving up. And the lesson was, it was only when she finally accepted help from the observer, letting him guide her with his voice, that she reached the goal that was hers all along. [00:37:28] Speaker C: And her initial reaction was that it didn't count because she didn't do it alone. [00:37:31] Speaker D: Right? But the leader reframed it beautifully. The detours are just signals. And sometimes you were not meant to get there alone. That's Covey's interdependence. That's the humility to accept that you need others eyes and guidance. [00:37:46] Speaker C: This theme of constant growth, of always looking for the next level. It's captured perfectly in Kevin Hart's door. [00:37:53] Speaker D: Analogy, A brilliant metaphor for success. He said he was so excited just to get into the first room of his career that he didn't even realize there was another door on the other side. [00:38:03] Speaker C: So success isn't a destination. It just opens the first door. [00:38:06] Speaker D: And once you step inside, you realize there's always a next door. Mastery is a continuous process. You have to keep learning, keep going. [00:38:14] Speaker C: The sources challenge us with this idea. In life, if you don't risk anything, you risk everything. [00:38:19] Speaker D: And that fearless nature, the one we had as kids, it's unlocked when we've taken care of our D needs. When you feel safe, loved and respected, you have the security. You need to take those risks to see what's behind the next door. [00:38:30] Speaker C: What an Incredible journey. We have covered an entire curriculum for transformation today. We started with those active, though, let's say critically scrutinized tools of nlp, right. [00:38:41] Speaker D: From the swish pattern and anchors to the raw power of incantations. [00:38:45] Speaker C: Then we anchored all of that in the architectural map from Maslow. We explored pre potency, the D needs and that crucial ultimate level of self transcendence. [00:38:55] Speaker D: And we tied it all together with the action plan Covey's 7 Habits, that journey from dependence to independence and finally to interdependence, all fueled by habit. Seven Sharpening the saw at the end. [00:39:06] Speaker C: Of the day, the only person you can truly control is yourself. And the challenge isn't to ask for fewer problems in life, but to ask. [00:39:12] Speaker D: For more wisdom to meet them. [00:39:13] Speaker C: So we want to leave you with three reflection questions to take this from theory to practice this week. [00:39:18] Speaker D: First, what specific NLP technique? Maybe it's an incantation, maybe it's the swish pattern could you use immediately to change how you respond to one consistent daily challenge? [00:39:28] Speaker C: Second, looking at Maslow's hierarchy as your personal blueprint, which d need level, physiological safety, love or esteem needs your attention right now to give you the stability to take the risks you need to take. [00:39:41] Speaker D: And finally, what habits, what people or what limiting beliefs are keeping you from even seeing, let alone opening the next door in your life? [00:39:50] Speaker C: Just commit to answering one of those this week. Enjoy the journey and we will catch you on the next deep dive. [00:39:56] Speaker A: I have called it. I'll allow it. Let it be. Set the author free. I am authentic. I am gross. Set the author free. [00:40:14] Speaker B: This was the last episode from Part two, so as we wrap up today's episode, I want to take a moment to honour the journey we've traveled together. I'm Jeanette Dunlop, author of Rewrite youe Story and my book of mantras. Part two has been about releasing what no longer serves you. The self doubt that whispers you're not enough. The old patterns that have kept you small, and the fears that have held onto your identity far longer than they deserved to. We explored the resilience formula, uncovering your ability to rise again not by avoiding challenges, but by learning from them. We stepped into boundaries, toxic people and emotional freedom, recognizing that your energy is precious, your peace is sacred, and that you you have permission and the right to walk away from what drains you. Then we moved into communication mastery, where you learned the power of expressing yourself with clarity, confidence and compassion. Because the way you speak to others and to yourself shapes the way you live. And finally, we explored reinventing your career, Taking taking ownership of your path, your purpose, and the vision you want to bring forward. Everything you've Learned in Part 2 has prepared you for what comes next. Because next week we step into part three, the new story. This is where integration becomes expansion, where the tools become a lifestyle, where the healing transforms into growth. Together, we'll explore your personal growth blueprint, how to commit to lifelong growth, and what it truly means to have the courage to reinvent at any age. Your new chapter isn't waiting for permission. It's waiting for you. So take a breath, take the lessons with you, and keep turning the page. Your story is far from finished, and the best part is still ahead. [00:42:32] Speaker A: Awakening into light from the darkened place Feel the dawn embrace your weary face Every shadow fades Every fear unwinds Let the morning find you Leave the night behind Soft beams of gold and promise Painting skies apart Carrying forgiveness A gentle gift of love Step by step you're rising Petals in the air Every footfall brighter breathing new found care Lift your eyes Feel the warmth return Let the light into what once was pur Awakening into light From a darkened place Feel the dawn embrace your weary face Every shadow fades Every fear unwinds. [00:44:10] Speaker C: Let the. [00:44:11] Speaker A: Morning find you Leave the night behind Awakening into light Heart renew and free in this gentle radiance Become who you're meant to be. [00:44:34] Speaker C: Sa.